Sunday, May 08, 2005

Step 6: Live in the Moment

For most of my childhood I was a worrier. I never really worried that something terrible was going to happen, though. It was more like a constant fear of what direction my life would head next. I always viewed decisions in the span of years -- how what I chose today would effect the way something would turn out next month, which would, in turn, effect where I would be in five years. And what if it turned out that I didn't like where that was?

My dad would always try to tell me: "Just take it one day at a time." To which I would respond: "But I can't! I have to know what I'm doing next year in order to make the right choice today!"

It took a long time, but there finally came a day when I could just live in the moment. I didn't stress about the future -- I just took things as they came, and figured the future would take care of itself.

Lately, however, I've been faced with some pretty big life decisions, and I've reverted back to that old worrier in me. I'm having trouble enjoying the amazing things that are going on in my life right now because I'm so stressed out about my future. I keep trying to tell myself to just live in the moment and enjoy the now, but I can't stop thinking about what's waiting for me around the corner. I've always enjoyed change, but this time I'm afraid of losing something really great. The hardest part is knowing that I'll be losing something great, regardless of my decision.

I've learned not to live in the past... now I just have to work on not stressing about the future. Otherwise, I won't have much of a present, either.