Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Step 7: Love Yourself

I have quite a bit to say about this. But then, I really don't have anything more to say that this exactly: Love Yourself

I saw this postcard a few weeks ago on the PostSecret website. "I hate my parents for raising me in a religion that taught me to hate myself." And I wanted to tell her that it ends. You'll see your value despite whatever that religion taught you to think about yourself, I wanted to say, because I did. I do. And it's not your parents' fault, I'd say. How could they know any better? Their parents did the same. You can't blame them for teaching you the only thing they know.

What else could I say? I know what she means. I know what she's going through. I know what it's like to be told that I have no value as long as I have no man. To be told that my sole purpose in life is to be a devoted wife and mother. That without achieving that most divine of roles I cannot be guaranteed to make it onto the Celestial Kingdom. And that even if I do make it there without my own man, I can be nothing more than one of some man's many polygamous wives, destined for eternity to help this new, wonderful man who has so graciously taken me in to join his other wives as another womb to produce spirit babies to populate his new planet he's received as a reward for his good deeds on Earth. Whew! That's enough to make any woman wish she could be part of that movement!

At a recent (Mormon) wedding reception, it was all I could do not to pick up my chair and hurl it across the yard as the other women I sat with moped over their sad, single states of affair. "Oh... I'm never going to get married." "She's so pretty, she's going to be married really soon. I mean, at least once she graduates from high school." "So, how do you feel now that your younger sister is married and you're still not?" "Oh, I wish I was getting married!"

Having a man doesn't define you! Love yourself!! Be proud that you are a woman. How could that ever be considered a position of shame??


Ryan said...

I know this post's a long time coming, like 3 years from when you wrote it, but it is sad that people get depressed at things like these. Im happy with who I am, but there was a time I was not but I learned to love myself. I enjoyed your thoughts on this post!

Cherish Life said...

AAHHHHH (thats a scream) Because thats what this post makes me wanna do. I read this and I think of my mother... Oh if only I could help her see what this post is saying. But she wouldn't understand, she is the most codependent woman I have ever met, finds her self worth in serving the man in her life... UGH!!

me - "What are you doing Mom, its after midnight?"
mom - "Ohh Steve was hungry and wants a hamburger."
me - "You got out of bed and got out a frying pan to make him a hamburger in the middle of the night?"
mom - "Yeesss you know how he is."
me - {rolls eyes}
True story.
Wouldn't be so bad if the man would ever do the same for her... but no, he wouldn't.

I never did subscribe to that mindset, thank gawd! Yet my Mother is also the most unselfish loving person I have ever met and I just cannot bring myself to tell her that her only daughter no longer believes in her precious church, it would break her heart. I love my Mom.

Anonymous said...

Randomly stumbled upon this, and even though the post is really old, I just wanted to say that you don't need to worry about the post card sender. She came through it and is living a happy life as an exmormon. She holds no hard feelings toward the church or her parents anymore. She learned to love herself. :)