Recovering Mormonholic

A short farewell

2009-07-24T11:25:00.002-05:00

I think it's time I end my time here at Recovering Mormonholic. I'm kind of over it. It was great for helping me sort through my thoughts and feelings for awhile, but I'm ready to move on. I'll still be visiting all of your blogs, and maybe I'll even start commenting more often! But for now, I'm done writing about it.

Thanks for stopping by! Feel free to pop over to my regular blog: Rediscovering Me.

News

2009-05-19T05:09:00.002-05:00

I haven't posted on this blog for awhile... I've been busy buying a house and getting engaged! Yay :-)

Tee-hee for Easter

2009-04-11T18:25:00.003-05:00

My mom always hated Easter -- she thought the idea of a huge bunny hopping around leaving eggs was ridiculous. That Easter silliness has passed on to me, albeit in a more 'sacrilegious' form.

Click the picture to dress-up Jesus for all the different holidays!!

Pain

2009-04-09T09:29:00.002-05:00

I have the site PostMormon.org bookmarked, but I rarely go to it. Well, yesterday I decided to browse around the forums, and ran across a thread titled "Why Mormons Can't Understand the Pain of Being Postmormon." It's a pretty old thread that keeps getting bumped, but wanted to share and write about something the original poster said.

This is the agony that faithful members of the church simply cannot understand. We have them visit us here periodically on the forum, challenging us on why it hurts to leave the church, and how everyone is free to believe whatever they want, the church doesn't hold a gun to anyone's head and make them attend or pay their tithing, blah, blah, blah. They have no idea what the real pain is. It's not their fault--they have not had this experience, and from their perspective, it makes no sense. They simply cannot wrap their minds around that which is not real to them.

The real pain is in the knowledge that in the eyes of your faithful Mormon friends and family members, you have failed. You don't measure up. They may continue to love you, but now you are the prodigal child. You have strayed from the fold, soiled the family name, and because they are good and righteous people, they will continue to extend their love to you, but now it is out of pity, not respect.

It no longer matters the quality of your character. It no longer matters the quality of family you raise, the quality of life you live, the love you extend to others, the accomplishments you achieve, the things you learn, the lives you touch...all that matters is that you failed. You are a disappointment to your parents, to the church, and ultimately to God.

I'd add to this that most people in general don't get this.

My heart just aches when I read over that, because it's so true. It's been almost six years since I made the decision to leave the church. I'm still dealt with rather... awkwardly by my family. Maybe it's just the way I perceive it, but, nevertheless, that's how it feels.

It feels like they're all uncomfortable around me.

It sucks.

Tragicle

2009-03-18T18:32:00.002-05:00

Yah! Give credit where it's due, man!

Mr. Current, I think you're funny.

Check out more of his videos on YouTube.

Are they for real?

2009-01-29T15:43:00.001-05:00

Mouth agape...

Looks like they're trying to go all pseudo-hip, evangelical megachurch, JC is cool on us. So much for being a peculiar people, eh? I'm SO glad they didn't try this on me when I was a kid!

Welcome to the dark side

2009-01-24T14:42:00.005-05:00

I wasn't really going to respond to a comment I received on my de-conversion story, but, I changed my mind.

The comment:

K.B. said...
I'm curious why people who leave the church always go to the polar opposite end of the spectrum and want to take everyone with them. I suppose misery loves company...so that's understandable. What I cannot even fathom is how one would ever think there is no Father in Heaven. Whether you're LDS or not, if you can look at the beauty in nature or hold your new born baby in your arms and not believe there is a loving, generous Creator, you really have learned nothing.

My response to this line of thinking:

If you had actually read my post, you would see that I explained how (after 1.5 years) I made it over to the "polar opposite end of the spectrum." It was a long process. But basically, after rejecting one belief or teaching, logic holds that eventually I would reject them all. Doesn't it?

What indication have I given that I'm trying to "take everyone with" me? I didn't invite you to read my blog. It's on the Internet, so I'm well aware that this is not a private space, nor do I intend it to be. However, if you don't like what I write, don't visit my site. You're not a captive audience. I'm not trying to force anyone to read my thoughts or agree with them.

And seriously, what indication have I given that I am miserable, so I therefore desire other miserable company? In fact, my post mentioned how utterly happy I am. Perhaps if you read through my archives, you would have read the post about my severe depression during my teenage years. Of course, as a teenager, I was Mormon. I was unhappy because I was an imperfect person who knew she could never live up to Mormonism's picture of what I should be. I was unhappy because I constantly had to deny my feminism and liberalism and rationality to try to fit myself into this mold. I set my own expectations, now. I'm good because I like to be, not because I'm expecting a reward of love, or heaven, or anything else.

When you say: "What I cannot even fathom is how one would ever think there is no Father in Heaven. Whether you're LDS or not, if you can look at the beauty in nature or hold your new born baby in your arms and not believe there is a loving, generous Creator, you really have learned nothing." I have only one immediate response: What I cannot even fathom is how you can look at the destruction nature causes, whether it is in New Orleans, or China, or Thailand; how you can look at your new born baby who is deformed, or suffering from a debilitating disease, or dying before she lives her first day; how you can see the wars and the conflict and the poverty and cruelty throughout the world; how you can look someone in the face who has just lost a loved one AND STILL BELIEVE that there is a loving, generous Creator!

Have I really learned nothing? Who, might I ask, should I have been learning your lesson from?

Clearly, you have learned nothing about me, nor, do I imagine, you have any desire to learn about me. So, if you're afraid of being taken into the dark side to join the rest of us who are so miserable that we need your company, stay far away from this obviously risky blog.

Otherwise, read on.

My quick de-conversion story

2009-01-11T11:06:00.002-05:00

An old friend recently emailed me... not really asking why I left the church, but perhaps implying the question. Since I've never really included the story on here, I thought I'd copy what I wrote in my email back.

I have no problem sharing why I left the church. I'll try to make it really short, and then if you want to know more, you can ask. As you know, I studied history at USU. I love learning about history and doing research about people. My senior year in college, I ran across some things taught by Brigham Young that I didn't agree with. I went to the USU library and checked out all of the books by/about Young that I could get my hands on. The more I read about him, the more I disliked him, and came to believe that he was a false prophet. Because of that, I decided to read more about Joseph Smith, too, and was shocked to learn about his money-digging and early practice of polygamy (about 10-11 years before his revelation in D&C). So, after some research, I started to think that Smith was lying, too.

I still believed in a god, of course. When I started doubting Smith, I did research comparing the Bible to the BoM. I found a lot of contradictions between the two, and because of my loss of faith in Smith, I believed the Bible over the BoM. I stopped going to church and then eventually had my name removed from the records. I started going to a non-denominational Christian church instead. This was about November of 2003.

In June 2004 my best friend (a Mormon) died. A Christian friend of mine, upon hearing of his death, reminded me that my friend would be going to hell since he was a Mormon (and not a "Christian"). Obviously, that made me really angry. My friend was a wonderful person who tried so hard to do everything right. How could a loving god just send him to hell?

After reading a biography of Gandhi, I was again confronted with the thought that an otherwise wonderful, decent human being was going to hell, just because he didn't believe in god "the right way." I decided to stop going to church altogether, even though I didn't lose my faith in god. I had decided that religion was made up, since they were all basically saying the same thing -- "I'm right and everyone else is wrong." But, I was still spiritual. This was probably around August 2004.

By that January, I had become very skeptical about even the idea of a god. It didn't make sense to me anymore. I called myself an agnostic for a few months, but kind of felt like that was a "cop-out." I'd say I considered myself an atheist by mid-2005.

I know that probably seems simplified and like I didn't really put any thought into what decisions I was making. To the contrary, it was a torturous couple of years. The thought of being wrong almost scared me back many times. I was constantly confronted with the knowledge that I could no longer believe in the faith of my family, my childhood, my ancestors. It tore me apart. I would have dreams, constantly, that friends of mine had died and come back to tell me that I really did have to be Mormon to get into heaven. I had a lot of demons to contend with, as my brain could no longer accept the teachings of any church, but the feelings that had been instilled in me since birth tried to pull me back, to go against what I considered rational, simply out of fear of what I couldn't know.

Many people ask me if I just had too much trouble following the commandments, if it was just easier to fall away than to feel guilty as a sinner. Not at all. I was a VERY good Mormon girl. I broke it off with a guy I was seeing in college because I felt like he wanted to kiss too much. I was the Sunday School teacher in my singles ward. I had taken the mission prep class the semester before with the intention off going on a mission once I graduated (on a side note, some of the things I learned in that class started steering me away from the church, even back then, but that's a different story).

In fact, the first time I went to get ice cream on a Sunday made me feel REALLY guilty!

It's been a long time, now, and my lack of faith no longer haunts me. In fact, I don't have any of those old demons of guilt and confusion to deal with anymore. I'm quite happy and content with myself -- EXACTLY how I am. Do I know if there is a god? No, but the evidence I see points me towards "NO." Do I know what will happen after I die? Well, besides making my loved ones sad, no. But, that's okay. I'm fine with not knowing. For all I know, NOTHING happens. I'm just dead. Nothing wrong with that -- it won't matter to me at that point, since I'll be nothing. I don't worry about that kind of stuff, anymore. I just live, and enjoy living. I'm good for goodness' sake, not for any other reason. I'm okay with that.

The Apostate

2009-01-01T12:15:00.003-05:00

I just found a new blog that I really like called The Apostate. In her explanation about why she left Islam, she writes:

The Koran and the Hadith are also very flawed as sources of law, or even as guidance, for the simplest human society, much less our complex modern societal structures. They fall apart at the least scrutiny – the edifice is built on ignorance, superstition, bad history and worse science. And most of all, the picture that revelation paints of our divine creator is very unpleasant and sounds like a patriarchal Middle-Eastern fellow into raping and killing and much intolerance. This holds for the Bible and the Koran. There is too much unpleasant talk of hell and eternal damnation, and this ignorant, controlling, jealous, merciless, petty, insecure God condemns me to hell for a sin I never even intended to commit: my apostasy.

I never set out to stop believing. When it happened, it was as much a surprise to me as it was to my parents. And I can’t go back – I can’t make myself believe in what I’m convinced are human lies. It’s not a matter of my will – so why should I burn for it? But this is apparently the unforgivable sin. How can there be sin without volition? A God who is that unjust, I cannot believe in.

And a religion that is as nonsensical and ludicrous as Islam plainly is, I cannot believe in.

Change all of those words to be Mormon-related instead of Islam, and you've got me. I'm looking forward to reading back through all of her posts!

The Word of Wisdom

2008-12-30T13:43:00.002-05:00

Ah, the Word of Wisdom. One of the best known set of rules in the Mormon church. But, I'd say, one of the least understood.

Every good mormon -- and even non-mormons -- know that they're not supposed to drink alcohol, coffee, tea, or smoke tobacco. The especially good ones extend this command to include anything with caffeine.

But... what does this commandment actually say?

Here it is in full. Then my breakdown. Yippee!

THE
DOCTRINE AND COVENANTS
OF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS

SECTION 89

Revelation given through Joseph Smith the Prophet, at Kirtland, Ohio, February 27, 1833. HC 1: 327–329. As a consequence of the early brethren using tobacco in their meetings, the Prophet was led to ponder upon the matter; consequently he inquired of the Lord concerning it. This revelation, known as the Word of Wisdom, was the result. The first three verses were originally written as an inspired introduction and description by the Prophet.

1–9, Use of wine, strong drinks, tobacco, and hot drinks proscribed; 10–17, Herbs, fruits, flesh, and grain are ordained for the use of man and of animals; 18–21, Obedience to gospel law, including the Word of Wisdom, brings temporal and spiritual blessings.

1 A ^aWord OF Wisdom, for the benefit of the council of high priests, assembled in Kirtland, and the church, and also the saints in Zion—

2 To be sent greeting; not by commandment or constraint, but by revelation and the ^aword of wisdom, showing forth the order and ^bwill of God in the temporal salvation of all saints in the last days—

3 Given for a principle with ^apromise, adapted to the capacity of the ^bweak and the weakest of all ^csaints, who are or can be called saints.

4 Behold, verily, thus saith the Lord unto you: In consequence of ^aevils and designs which do and will exist in the hearts of ^bconspiring men in the last days, I have ^cwarned you, and forewarn you, by giving unto you this word of wisdom by revelation—

5 That inasmuch as any man ^adrinketh ^bwine or strong drink among you, behold it is not good, neither meet in the sight of your Father, only in assembling yourselves together to offer up your sacraments before him.

6 And, behold, this should be wine, yea, ^apure wine of the grape of the vine, of your own make.

7 And, again, ^astrong drinks are not for the belly, but for the washing of your bodies.

8 And again, tobacco is not for the ^abody, neither for the belly, and is not good for man, but is an herb for bruises and all sick cattle, to be used with judgment and skill.

9 And again, hot drinks are not for the body or belly.

10 And again, verily I say unto you, all wholesome ^aherbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man—

11 Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with ^aprudence and ^bthanksgiving.

12 Yea, ^aflesh also of ^bbeasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used ^csparingly;

13 And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be ^aused, only in times of winter, or of cold, or ^bfamine.

14 All ^agrain is ordained for the use of man and of beasts, to be the staff of life, not only for man but for the beasts of the field, and the fowls of heaven, and all wild animals that run or creep on the earth;

15 And ^athese hath God made for the use of man only in times of famine and excess of hunger.

16 All grain is good for the ^afood of man; as also the ^bfruit of the vine; that which yieldeth fruit, whether in the ground or above the ground—

17 Nevertheless, wheat for man, and corn for the ox, and oats for the horse, and rye for the fowls and for swine, and for all beasts of the field, and barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain.

18 And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, ^ashall receive ^bhealth in their navel and marrow to their bones;

19 And shall ^afind ^bwisdom and great ^ctreasures of ^dknowledge, even hidden treasures;

20 And shall ^arun and not be ^bweary, and shall walk and not faint.

21 And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the ^adestroying angel shall ^bpass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen.

Okay, here we go:

1 A ^aWord OF Wisdom, for the benefit of the council of high priests, assembled in Kirtland, and the church, and also the saints in Zion—

2 To be sent greeting; not by commandment or constraint, but by revelation and the ^aword of wisdom, showing forth the order and ^bwill of God in the temporal salvation of all saints in the last days—

3 Given for a principle with ^apromise, adapted to the capacity of the ^bweak and the weakest of all ^csaints, who are or can be called saints.

4 Behold, verily, thus saith the Lord unto you: In consequence of ^aevils and designs which do and will exist in the hearts of ^bconspiring men in the last days, I have ^cwarned you, and forewarn you, by giving unto you this word of wisdom by revelation—

This is just an introduction. Blah, blah, God makes promises, thus saith.

5 That inasmuch as any man ^adrinketh ^bwine or strong drink among you, behold it is not good, neither meet in the sight of your Father, only in assembling yourselves together to offer up your sacraments before him.

6 And, behold, this should be wine, yea, ^apure wine of the grape of the vine, of your own make.

Okay, so only drink wine during church for the sacrament. Check. And the wine you do drink, you need to make it yourself. Check. Well... so now they just drink water for the sacrament instead of wine. But okay, I still see the rule not to drink wine.

7 And, again, ^astrong drinks are not for the belly, but for the washing of your bodies.

No liquor, either. Check. At least, don't drink the vodka... it's just to wash yourself with! Anyone out there bathe in "strong drinks?" Hm...

Moving on.

8 And again, tobacco is not for the ^abody, neither for the belly, and is not good for man, but is an herb for bruises and all sick cattle, to be used with judgment and skill.

9 And again, hot drinks are not for the body or belly.

No tobacco. Check.

Hot drinks? What exactly does this mean? This is where they get the rule "no coffee or tea." Okay, sure, those can both be served hot. Or cold. What about apple cider? Hot chocolate? Hot buttered rum? Oh, wait, that's a strong drink, I suppose (wink, wink). I'm not sure why they picked coffee and tea to fall under "hot drinks," but not the others.

10 And again, verily I say unto you, all wholesome ^aherbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man—

11 Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with ^aprudence and ^bthanksgiving.

Herbs, eh? Now we're talking! Okay, but seriously, eat herbs and fruits that are in season. Check. I'll have to ask my family out in Utah why they're picking up strawberries from the grocery store in January. I'd say they're probably not in season in the winter, in Utah. Maybe there's an exception for shipping from Latin America... I'll keep my eye out for that.

12 Yea, ^aflesh also of ^bbeasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used ^csparingly;

13 And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be ^aused, only in times of winter, or of cold, or ^bfamine.

Only eat meat in the winter or during famine. Hmmm, I don't remember hearing that in church. Or, at home, when we had our meat'n'potatoes every night for dinner. I wonder if any mormons choose to follow this. Makes me curious... "hot drinks" means no coffee or tea, but meat "only in times of winter" means meat whenever you want. Interesting...

14 All ^agrain is ordained for the use of man and of beasts, to be the staff of life, not only for man but for the beasts of the field, and the fowls of heaven, and all wild animals that run or creep on the earth;

15 And ^athese hath God made for the use of man only in times of famine and excess of hunger.

16 All grain is good for the ^afood of man; as also the ^bfruit of the vine; that which yieldeth fruit, whether in the ground or above the ground—

Okay, grain is the staff of life. Check. Reminder in 15 that meat is just to be eaten during famine. Back to grain. Eat grain and fruit. I'm assuming that fruit "in the ground" would include vegetables. Sounds good to me! I like grain, fruit, and veggies!

17 Nevertheless, wheat for man, and corn for the ox, and oats for the horse, and rye for the fowls and for swine, and for all beasts of the field, and barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain.

My FAVORITE verse. Okay, wheat, corn, blah blah. Wait, what's this? Barley for mild drinks? Hmm... back up in 7 they told us no "strong drinks." But mild drinks made from barley are a-ok. As any non-mormon can assure you, the other name for "mild drinks made from barley" would be "beer."

So, the Word of Wisdom seems to be giving the okay for beer. Is there any other mild drink made from barley that you see mormons (or anyone else, for that matter) drinking?

18 And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, ^ashall receive ^bhealth in their navel and marrow to their bones;

19 And shall ^afind ^bwisdom and great ^ctreasures of ^dknowledge, even hidden treasures;

20 And shall ^arun and not be ^bweary, and shall walk and not faint.

These verses I always found fun. If I listen to this, I'll have marrow in my bones and I'll be able to run and run and run without getting tired. Super.

21 And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the ^adestroying angel shall ^bpass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen.

The final verse. God will save you. Amen.

So, let's review.

Good to have:

homemade wine (for the sacrament)
herbs and fruit (in season)
meat (during winter and famine)
grain, fruits, vegetables
beer

Bad to have:

non-homemade wine
strong drinks (except for washing)
hot drinks
tobacco
herbs and fruit (not in season)
meat (unless it's winter or famine)

Not included on this list:

caffeine (including coffee, tea, cola, chocolate, energy drinks, ginseng, etc.)

It seems to me that the Mormon church is cherry picking their rules. I'd like to see one of them come out and say, "Stop eating so much meat!!" Because that's actually in their rules!

And the beer part... good times.

Happy Newton's Eve!

2008-12-24T10:09:00.003-05:00

The Ten Days of Newton

On the tenth day of Newton,
My true love gave to me,
Ten drops of genius,
Nine silver co-oins,
Eight circling planets,
Seven shades of li-ight,
Six counterfeiters,
Cal-Cu-Lus!
Four telescopes,
Three Laws of Motion,
Two awful feuds,
And the discovery of gravity!

Update on YFZ

2008-12-24T08:50:00.000-05:00

Texas polygamist ranch report details child abuse

Tue Dec 23, 2008 3:24pm EST

By Jim Forsyth

SAN ANTONIO (Reuters) - Child neglect and abuse were widespread at a Texas polygamist ranch with at least a dozen girls forced into underage marriages, according to a report released by state authorities.

The report, released late on Monday, said most of the cases had been closed because of subsequent steps taken by parents since massive raids were launched in April against the polygamist compound in a remote corner of west Texas.

The report by the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services is the latest chapter in a saga that gripped the state with lurid tales of adolescent brides married to older men under the cloak of a secretive sect practicing its religion on an isolated ranch.

Texas authorities raided the Yearning For Zion Ranch outside the small west Texas community of Eldorado in April, removing over 400 children in response to an abuse complaint.

The compound was run by a renegade Mormon sect called the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, which still practices polygamy. The sect practices an austere lifestyle and the women dress in conservative pioneer clothes.

Multiple marriages were once common among U.S. Mormons but the mainstream Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints renounced the practice over a century ago and is at pains to distance itself from the FLDS and other polygamist groups.

"Twelve girls are confirmed victims of sexual abuse and neglect because they were married at ages ranging from 12 to 15," the Texas report said.

It went on to say that 262 other children "were subjected to neglect because parents failed to remove their child from a situation in which the child would be exposed to sexual abuse committed against another child."

Texas authorities have been criticized for their handling of the case and the massive show of force used in initial raids on the compound.

In May, a court ruled that Texas overstepped its authority when it removed the children, a ruling upheld by the state's Supreme Court. That led to the return of the children to their parents, but investigations were allowed to continue.

The Department of Family and Protective Services report said that of the 439 children involved, the state had ended cases involving 424 children "because the family has taken appropriate steps to protect the child from sexual abuse or there was no abuse or neglect in the family."

"There are pending lawsuits in the cases of five mothers and their 15 children," it added.

The Texas Attorney General has filed charges ranging from bigamy to sexual assault against 12 men in connection with the case. One is the group's jailed spiritual leader, Warren Jeffs, who was convicted in 2007 in Utah of forcing a 14-year-old girl to marry her first cousin.

(Additional reporting and writing by Ed Stoddard in Dallas, editing by Todd Eastham))

Jack Black rarely disappoints

2008-12-03T17:39:00.001-05:00

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Looking back

2008-12-01T19:10:00.002-05:00

I just dug up my old journal. I rarely wrote in it growing up. But, I read over this entry last night.

Age: 15

Hi. I think I need to start writing in my journal again. I need somewhere to release all of these thoughts going around in my head. As I just read over my entry [from 2 years ago], I almost cried. Was I really once that strong in my faith and testimony of the gospel? It's hard for me to believe that now. Everyone thinks that I'm this perfect little girl who just knows all the answers at church, reads the scriptures and prays on a daily basis, writes in her journal every night, and doesn't have any problems at all. I just want to scream at them! I'm not perfect! I have my own problems - they may seem minor to someone else, but they're trials to me. I mean, I like watching R movies, I want to cuss, I like bikinis and shorts. I'm not proud of it, but it's true. I don't have a testimony anymore. Whenever any spiritual topic comes up I feel awkward so I tune out and don't pay attention. When people ask me my feelings about the church, etc. I don't know what to say. I feel stupid and just give the typical answers they'd expect from me.

I hate my life. Well, I can't say I hate it - I mean it could be worse, I could be worse. But every now and then I just get to where I hate myself and I think I'm so ugly. Don't get me wrong - I'm never suicidal or anything - but you can't say I'm very uplifting. I do have my Patriarchal Blessing and I do want it to happen, but... it's so hard. I think I only go to church on Sunday out of habit. I mean, I want to grow closer to God, and I pray for it to happen... and for a day or so I'm really spiritual and I realize all this stuff I need to start and stop doing, and then I'm back to my old self and that stuff doesn't seem important to me anymore. I really want to return to the Celestial Kingdom, but it's a real trial and a struggle for me to do what's right. I used to have a piece of paper on my wall with a saying on it that I wrote myself that said, "Is it not worth it to spend a few mere years in this life facing ridicule and rejection than to spend an eternity in sorrow knowing that you could have done well enough to live with your Father in exaltation?" It seems so simple. Don't worry what others think. Stay strong in the gospel. So what if people make fun of you. It won't matter what they said when it comes to your judgment - it's how you reacted to it. But it's not that easy. It used to be. In 7th and 8th grade I didn't care at all what anybody thought of me and I was a "spiritual giant." Now look at me - I'm lower than the dirt upon this earth. At least it obeys what it's supposed to do. Why can't I do that? There's a girl - S____ something in the L_____ Ward. T_____ laughs and makes fun of her, but I'm actually jealous of her. She is the strongest spirit I know - and I don't even know her, I've just seen her. She totally follows every standard - long shorts, nothing revealing or too tight. I mean, if she lost 10 pounds she could be the biggest tramp - she has like size DD cup or something, but she's not. I admire her and look up to her strength. I just wish that someday my testimony can be as strong as hers. And then there's guys - why does it have to be a member? That totally limits my options to like, 2 guys that live anywhere close to me. And 16? It sucks so bad!

I know I seem like a terrible person and well, I probably am. I don't want to be but... that's how it goes. I hate doing stuff with my family, watching people take the sacrament doesn't make me feel humble, it just looks funny (yeah, funny-ha ha). I don't know what's wrong with me. I guess the next time I have something to say, I'll write. Till then...

My response today.

I don't even remember writing this. When I look back to my youth, I remember sometimes feeling hopeless in middle school. I'd bottle up all of my anxiety and then break down every few months, sobbing as my mom held me. But, when I think of high school, I always think I was pretty happy. Reading over my journal now, I see that I've blocked out the bad feelings I had then. I was severely depressed. Not in my memory, though. In fact, after a few more entries even worse than this one, there are about 20 pages (rather, remnants of pages) that have been ripped out. I have no idea what I had written there. I don't remember ripping out the pages, nor why I would have done that. Well, obviously to prevent whatever I wrote there from every being read. It's all blocked out, though. I don't remember.

That was 12 years ago. Not 20, or 30, or 40. Only 12.

But that's not why I decided to write about that on my blog. Believe me, I'm not the type to go spreading the fact that I was severely depressed at the age of 15 around on the Internet.

It's why I was so depressed.

Because I liked R-rated movies, cuss words, bikinis, and shorts.

That is all.

It makes me so sick and angry today to look back and realize that I was disappointed in myself, that I was disgusted with myself, that I hated myself... because I liked R-rated movies, cuss words, bikinis, and shorts. At the age of 15. Because my parents and my church TAUGHT me that if I liked those things, I was a sinner. That I was not worthy. That I couldn't get into heaven. That I would lose my family. For eternity.

Because I liked R-rated movies, cuss words, bikinis, and shorts.

That church gave an otherwise healthy, happy, 15-year-old girl such a skewed vision of life that she beat herself up and hated herself for not living up to their picture of a perfect young woman. That I beat myself up and hated myself for not being the picture-perfect young woman that everyone told me I HAD to be, in order to be loved by others, by my family, by god.

I thought that I was a terrible person. Because I liked R-rated movies, cuss words, bikinis, and shorts!

I am seething right now. How dare an organization that claims to be family-oriented and "Christ-like" continue to spew their lies! They made a 15-year-old girl hate herself!!! For not being "good enough."

Damnit!! I WAS GOOD ENOUGH!

I am good enough.

I was so fucking brainwashed that I couldn't see past their bullshit. When I didn't get answers to my prayers, I blamed myself for not being spiritual enough. When I felt awkward and uncomfortable at church, I blamed myself for not being receptive enough to the spirit. When I couldn't get through the Book of Mormon without giving up or falling asleep, I blamed myself for not trying hard enough. For not wanting it enough. For not being good enough.

I don't blame myself anymore.

I blame that church. I blame my teachers at church. I blame anyone who continues to deny reality and continues to tell 15-year-old girls that they're just not good enough. That maybe, if they just wanted it a little more, or if they just tried a little harder, maybe then god would answer their prayers. Maybe then they'd realize that they were special.

Go fuck off.

You ARE good enough. You ARE special.

I am good enough.

Shame on you.

A (Mormon) Deconversion Story

2008-11-30T11:36:00.002-05:00

Laci, a 19-year-old in California. The series is not complete.

God in schools?

2008-10-28T15:21:00.003-05:00

I have a Facebook acquaintance who recently joined a group/cause on the site called "Keep God in Schools." A basic rundown of the group:

Positions:

Allow Teacher's to express religious views
Allow faith and moral guidelines to be AVALAIBLE in school, NOT TAUGHT AS IN REQUIRED CLASS!
Fight for the freedoms of religion and expression that this country promises

Category:
Religion - Christian

Positions:	Allow Teacher's to express religious views Allow faith and moral guidelines to be AVALAIBLE in school, NOT TAUGHT AS IN REQUIRED CLASS! Fight for the freedoms of religion and expression that this country promises
Category:	Religion - Christian

Also in their self-written description:

There are students who need moral guidance, and God should be available to them where ever, and that includes their school.

I commented on this, and this has been the conversation thus far:

C--- joined the cause Keep God In Schools!. 3:07am - 4 comments

Michelle at 12:02pm October 25
So then, would you also agree that it's okay for teachers to express their atheist views to their students? Or is it only teachers of a certain religion that should be allowed to express their views?

C--- at 11:23pm October 27
As it stands now, Michelle, most teachers DO get to express their beliefs as long as they are not Christian. I would hope that discussions could be expressed openly and freely regarding all types of religions. Not to force one religion over another but to state basic beliefs for intelligent discussions.

It is so good to hear from you!! I´m sending you greetings from Mexico...The Grand Mayan located in Nuevo Vallerjata!

Love from Gym, too! :)
Michelle at 4:13pm October 28
WOW. Having been both a student AND teacher in the public school system, I must say that your statement is absurd! Sorry, I'm not trying to offend, but I have never known any teacher to share religious beliefs unless they were Christian. You may argue that Muslim teachers who wear the hijab are expressing their religious views, to which I would argue they are only displaying their views, not discussing them with students. When is the last time you were in a public school? I'm absolutely astonished that you think teachers who are NOT Christian are the only teachers who express their views, as my experience has been the exact opposite! In fact, some of my own students have even complained to me that one of their teachers spends far too much time talking about Jesus, and not nearly enough talking about math, the subject they are SUPPOSED to be learning in that classroom.

Separation of church and state exists for a number of reasons, which I don't think I need to go into. To suggest that a student who is displeased with the views of their teacher can just transfer out of the class is pretty far-fetched. It's not really that easy when there are a limited number of teachers and class periods to choose from. I personally think that the expression of religious views at school is highly inappropriate for teachers, because the students really are a captive audience. They didn't CHOOSE to be in there with you.

However, that aside, I might offer out the same suggestion as that of the creator of the "Keep God in Schools" cause. If you don't value the right in this country to have separation of church and state and would rather live in a theocracy, just move.

I'm still curious though, about your answer to my question, since you didn't actually answer it. Do you think that atheist teachers should be given the same right to express their thoughts on religion to their students as you claim the Christian teachers should have?

I'm wondering what others out there think about this?

Learning HTML

2008-10-26T16:06:00.002-05:00

This is totally unrelated to the content on this website, but I'm trying to learn HTML. I created this blog template myself, using the HTML from a different template. It's not perfect, but I'm impressed with what I've done in just an afternoon!

Another excommunication

2008-09-13T06:01:00.004-05:00

Just found out about this. An LDS man thought that what the leaders of the Mormon church are doing in regard to Proposition 8 in California was wrong. In a nutshell, they are instructing bishops and stake presidents in California to read letters to their congregations telling them to vote for the Proposition to ban gay marriage in the state. These same men are also being told to go to member homes and request donations that will go to the group supporting Prop 8, Protect Marriage.

This man thinks that what the church is doing goes against the teachings in D&C that say to keep religion and government separate. He set up a website called Signing for Something that asks other members to sign a petition and/or contribute letters defending their political independence.

His own explanation:

Your views are welcome

Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have been taught, “We do not believe it just to mingle religious influence with civil government …” (Doctrine and Covenants 134:9). Recent action taken by the First Presidency in support of a constitutional amendment in the State of California has rallied us to the cause of freedom.

Write a Letter
Please join us in standing up for our moral beliefs and our political independence by writing a letter and Signing for Something.

Letter Submissions: 191

He explains here that as a result of his efforts, he has been visited by the bishop and a couple of high priests who have asked him to resign or face church discipline.

For having a different opinion on politics than the top of the church?

Sounds similar to Sonia Johnson, a woman who devoutly believed in the Mormon church, but was excommunicated in 1979 for her support of the ERA (Equal Rights Amendment).

It'll be interesting to see if this has a chance to play out in the media, and whether that will make any impact on the vote in CA this November.

Additional, much shorter clarification

2008-08-23T12:25:00.002-05:00

I am NOT anti-Mormon.

I am an ex-mormon, yes. But I don't care one bit what you believe in.

However, as a Mormon, I didn't know these were things that I "supposedly" believed it, because, on the contrary, I did NOT believe them. Hence, the ex-mormon.

If you actually do believe everything, good for you.

I might not understand why you do, but you have every right to believe that, I'm not going to try to change your mind.

I do reserve the right to tease, though, about things I find silly... just like you might tease the Scientologists or the Marijuana Party, or Trekkies, or any other CHOICES that people might make! :-)

That is all.

Clarification

2008-08-23T11:29:00.002-05:00

It has come to my attention that my previous video bothered some LDS readers, because I stated that everything in the video is a true representation.

Therefore, I've spent the morning compiling documentation for each of the 20 claims I counted in the video.

This is VERY long. But, if you want to try to prove me wrong, please look at what I have, first.

And, to beat you to the punch in your defense, don't try to say that not everything the prophets said is true. I've heard that one before. "Oh, sure, Brigham Young said some *interesting* things in the Journal of Discourses, but that's not official scripture. You have to discredit his statements that are wrong." Sorry, it's not going to fly.

Let me remind you:

“The Lord will never permit me or any other man who stands as President of this Church to lead you astray. It is not in the programme. It is not in the mind of God. If I were to attempt that, the Lord would remove me out of my place, and so He will any other man who attempts to lead the children of men astray from the oracles of God and from their duty.” (Sixty-first Semiannual General Conference of the Church, Monday, October 6, 1890, Salt Lake City, Utah. Reported in Deseret Evening News, October 11, 1890, p. 2.)

So, if you can discredit a few of the things said by Brigham Young (or any other LDS prophet), you really have to discredit it all. How are you to know which is right or wrong, anyway? Wasn't that HIS job as the prophet?

Here we go. I originally typed this up as a separate document, and when I copied it over, the formatting was lost, so bear with me.

1. trillions of planets scattered throughout the cosmos are ruled by countless gods who once were humans like us
-Moses 1:29, 33, 35, 37-38
--29 And he beheld many lands; and each land was called earth, and there were inhabitants on the face thereof.
--33 And worlds without number have I created; and I also created them for mine own purpose; and by the Son I created them, which is mine Only Begotten.
--35 But only an account of this earth, and the inhabitants thereof, give I unto you. For behold, there are many worlds that have passed away by the word of my power. And there are many that now stand, and innumerable are they unto man; but all things are numbered unto me, for they are mine and I know them.
--37 And the Lord God spake unto Moses, saying: The heavens, they are many, and they cannot be numbered unto man; but they are numbered unto me, for they are mine.
--38 And as one earth shall pass away, and the heavens thereof even so shall another come; and there is no end to my works, neither to my words.
-Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses, vol. 7, p. 333
--"He [God] is our Father - the Father of our spirits, and was once a man in mortal flesh as we are, and is now an exalted being. How many Gods there are, I do not know. But there never was a time when there were not Gods..."
-Heber C. Kimball, Journal of Discourses, vol. 5, p. 19
--"...then we shall go back to our Father and God, who is connected with one who is still farther back; and this Father is connected with one still further back, and so on..."

2. spirit child name Elohim was conceived; later born to human parents; through obedience, he proved himself worthy, and was elevated to godhood, as his father before him
-Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses, vol. 7, p. 333
--"He [God] is our Father - the Father of our spirits, and was once a man in mortal flesh as we are, and is now an exalted being. How many Gods there are, I do not know. But there never was a time when there were not Gods..."
-Heber C. Kimball, Journal of Discourses, vol. 5, p. 19
--"...then we shall go back to our Father and God, who is connected with one who is still farther back; and this Father is connected with one still further back, and so on..."
-Teachings of Lorenzo Snow, p. 2
--"As man now is, God once was; As God now is, man may become."
-D&C 130:22
--22 The Father has a body of flesh and bones as tangible as man’s;

3. Elohim = Heavenly Father; lives with many wives on a planet near the star Kolob; here, they produced billions of spirit children
-Abraham 3:1-3, 9, 16
--1 And I, Abraham, had the Urim and Thummim, which the Lord my God had given unto me, in Ur of the Chaldees;
--2 And I saw the stars, that they were very great, and that one of them was nearest unto the throne of God; and there were many great ones which were near unto it;
--3 And the Lord said unto me: These are the governing ones; and the name of the great one is Kolob, because it is near unto me, for I am the Lord thy God: I have set this one to govern all those which belong to the same order as that upon which thou standest.
--9 And thus there shall be the reckoning of the time of one planet above another, until thou come nigh unto Kolob, which Kolob is after the reckoning of the Lord’s time; which Kolob is set nigh unto the throne of God, to govern all those planets which belong to the same border as that upon which thou standest.
--16 If two things exist, and there be one above the other, there shall be greater things above them; therefore Kolob is the greatest of all the Kokaubeam that thou hast seen, because it is nearest unto me.
-D&C 76:24
--24 That by him, and through him, and of him, the worlds are and were created, and the inhabitants thereof are begotten sons and daughters unto God.
-Joseph Fielding Smith, Gospel Principles, p.11
--"All men and women are...literally the sons and daughters of Deity...Man, as a spirit, was begotten and born of heavenly parents, and reared to maturity in the eternal mansions of the Father, prior to coming upon the earth in a temporal [physical] body"
-Milton R. Hunter, The Gospel Through the ages, p. 98
--"The stupendous truth of the existence of a Heavenly Mother, as well as a Heavenly Father, became established facts in Mormon theology. A complete realization that we are the offspring of Heavenly Parents - that we were begotten and born into the spirit world and grew to maturity in that realm - became an integral part of Mormon philosophy. Those verities are basic in the Gospel plan of eternal progression."

4. Heavenly Council was called; 2 eldest sons Lucifer and Jesus; plan to build Earth; Lucifer made bid for savior, wanting the glory for himself and forcing everyone to become gods; Jesus opposed, wanted to give freedom of choice; vote approved Jesus’ plan
-Moses 4:1-2
--1 And I, the Lord God, spake unto Moses, saying: That Satan, whom thou hast commanded in the name of mine Only Begotten, is the same which was from the beginning, and he came before me, saying—Behold, here am I, send me, I will be thy son, and I will redeem all mankind, that one soul shall not be lost, and surely I will do it; wherefore give me thine honor.
--2 But, behold, my Beloved Son, which was my Beloved and Chosen from the beginning, said unto me—Father, thy will be done, and the glory be thine forever.
-Abraham 3:27
--27 And the Lord said: Whom shall I send? And one answered like unto the Son of Man: Here am I, send me. And another answered and said: Here am I, send me. And the Lord said: I will send the first.

5. Lucifer fought with 1/3 of the spirits, who became the devil and his demons; they were sent to Earth but denied physical bodies
-D&C 29:36-38
--36 And it came to pass that Adam, being tempted of the devil—for, behold, the devil was before Adam, for he rebelled against me, saying, Give me thine honor, which is my power; and also a third part of the ghosts of heaven turned he away from me because of their agency;
--37 And they were thrust down, and thus came the devil and his angels;
--38 And, behold, there is a place prepared for them from the beginning, which place is hell.
-Moses 4:3-4
--3 Wherefore, because that Satan rebelled against me, and sought to destroy the agency of man, which I, the Lord God, had given him, and also, that I should give unto him mine own power; by the power of mine Only Begotten, I caused that he should be cast down;
--4 And he became Satan, yea, even the devil, the father of all lies, to deceive and to blind men, and to lead them captive at his will, even as many as would not hearken unto my voice.
-Abraham 3:28
--28 And the second was angry, and kept not his first estate; and, at that day, many followed after him.

6. neutral spirits were cursed to be born with black skin; valiant fighters = lighter-skinned, “white and delightsome;” born as Mormons on Earth
-Doctrines of Salvation, by Joseph Fielding Smith, 1954; 1:61, 65-66
--"There is a reason why one man is born black and with other disadvantages, while another is born white with great advantages. The reason is that we once had an estate before we came here, and were obedient, more or less, to the laws that were given us there. Those who were faithful in all things there received greater blessings here, and those who were not faithful received less...There were no neutrals in the war in heaven. All took sides either with Christ or with Satan. Every man had his agency there, and men receive rewards here based upon their actions there, just as they will receive rewards hereafter for deeds done in the body. The Negro, evidently, is receiving the reward he merits."
-Abraham 3:22-26
--22 Now the Lord had shown unto me, Abraham, the intelligences that were organized before the world was; and among all these there were many of the noble and great ones;
--23 And God saw these souls that they were good, and he stood in the midst of them, and he said: These I will make my rulers; for he stood among those that were spirits, and he saw that they were good; and he said unto me: Abraham, thou art one of them; thou wast chosen before thou wast born.
--24 And there stood one among them that was like unto God, and he said unto those who were with him: We will go down, for there is space there, and we will take of these materials, and we will make an earth whereon those may dwell
--25 And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them;
--26 And they who keep their first estate shall be added upon; and they who keep not their first estate shall not have glory in the same kingdom with those who keep their first estate; and they who keep their second estate shall have glory added upon their heads for ever and ever.
-Bruce McConkie, Mormon Doctrine, 1966 edition, pp. 527-528
--"...negroes are not equal with other races where the receipt of certain spiritual blessings are concerned, particularly the priesthood and the temple blessings that flow therefrom, but this inequality is not of man's origin. It is the Lord's doing, is based on his eternal laws of justice, and grows out of the lack of Spiritual valiance of those concerned in their first estate."
-Moses 7:22
--22 And Enoch also beheld the residue of the people which were the sons of Adam; and they were a mixture of all the seed of Adam save it was the seed of Cain, for the seed of Cain were black, and had not place among them.

7. early Mormon leaders taught that Elohim and one wife came to Earth as Adam and Eve to start the human race
-Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses, vol. 1, p.50
--"Now hear it, oh inhabitants of the earth, Jew and Gentile, saint and sinner! When our father Adam came into the Garden of Eden, he came into it with a celestial body, and brought Eve, one of his wives, with him. He helped to make and organize this world. He is Michael, the Archangel, the Ancient of Days, about whom holy men have written and spoken-He is our father and our God, and the only God with whom we have to do."
-Brigham Young, Sermon, June 8, 1873
--"How much unbelief exists in the minds of the Latter-day Saints in regard to one particular doctrine which is revealed to them, and which God revealed to me -- namely that Adam is our father and God...Our Father Adam is the man who stands at the gate and holds the keys of everlasting life and salvation to all his children who have or ever will come upon the earth."

8. Elohim came to Earth to have sex with the virgin, Mary, in order to provide Jesus with a physical body
-Bruce R. McConkie, Mormon Doctrine, p.742
--"God the Father is a perfected, glorified, holy Man, an immortal Personage. And Christ was born into the world as the literal Son of this Holy Being; he was born in the same personal, real, and literal sense that any mortal son is born to a mortal father. There is nothing figurative about his paternity; he was begotten, conceived and born in the normal and natural course of events, for he is the son of God, and that designation means what it says."
-Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson, p.7
--"The LDS Church proclaims that Jesus Christ is the Son of God in the most literal sense. The body in which He performed His mission n the flesh was sired by that same Holy being we worship as God, our Eternal Father."
-Gospel Principles, 1997 ed, p.64
--"Thus, God the Fther became the literal father of Jesus Christ. Jesus is the only person on earth to be born of a mortal mother and an immortal father."
-Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses, 8:115
--"The birth of the Savior was as natural as are the births of our children; it was the result of natural action. He partook of flesh and blood- was begotten of his Father, as we are of our fathers. "
-Bruce R. McConkie, The Promised Messiah, p.468
--"There is no need to spiritualize away the plain meaning of the scriptures. There is nothing figurative or hidden or beyond comprehension in our Lord's coming into mortality. He is the Son of God in the same sense and way that we are the sons of mortal fathers. It is just that simple"

9. Orson Pratt taught that after Jesus Christ grew to manhood, he took at least three wives - Mary, Martha, and Mary Magdalene - and fathered a number of children
-The Seer, p.159
--"One thing is certain, that there were several holy women that greatly loved Jesus -- such as Mary, and Martha her sister, and Mary Magdalene; and Jesus greatly loved them, and associated with them much; and when He arose from the dead, instead of showing Himself to His chosen witnesses, the Apostles, He appeared first to these women, or at least to one of them -- namely, Mary Magdalene. Now it would be natural for a husband in the resurrection to appear first to his own dear wives, and afterwards show himself to his other friends. If all the acts of Jesus were written, we no doubt should learn that these beloved women were His wives"
-p.172
--"We have now clearly shown that God, the Father had a plurality of wives, one or more being in eternity, by whom He begat our spirits as well as the spirit of Jesus His First Born... We have also proved most clearly that the Son followed the example of his Father, and became the great Bridegroom to whom kings' daughters and many honorable Wives to be married."

10. after his resurrection, Jesus came to the Americas to preach to the Indians, who the Mormons believe are really Israelites; he established his church in the Americas, as he had in Palestine
-3 Nephi 26:13-21
--13 Therefore, I would that ye should behold that the Lord truly did teach the people, for the space of three days; and after that he did show himself unto them oft, and did break bread oft, and bless it, and give it unto them.
--14 And it came to pass that he did teach and minister unto the children of the multitude of whom hath been spoken, and he did loose their tongues, and they did speak unto their fathers great and marvelous things, even greater than he had revealed unto the people; and he loosed their tongues that they could utter.
--15 And it came to pass that after he had ascended into heaven—the second time that he showed himself unto them, and had gone unto the Father, after having healed all their sick, and their lame, and opened the eyes of their blind and unstopped the ears of the deaf, and even had done all manner of cures among them, and raised a man from the dead, and had shown forth his power unto them, and had ascended unto the Father—
--16 Behold, it came to pass on the morrow that the multitude gathered themselves together, and they both saw and heard these children; yea, even babes did open their mouths and utter marvelous things; and the things which they did utter were forbidden that there should not any man write them.
--17 And it came to pass that the disciples whom Jesus had chosen began from that time forth to baptize and to teach as many as did come unto them; and as many as were baptized in the name of Jesus were filled with the Holy Ghost.
--18 And many of them saw and heard unspeakable things, which are anot lawful to be written.
--19 And they taught, and did minister one to another; and they had ball things common among them, every man dealing justly, one with another.
--20 And it came to pass that they did do all things even as Jesus had commanded them.
--21 And they who were baptized in the name of Jesus were called the church of Christ.

11. by 421 A.D. the dark-skinned Indian Israelites, known as Lamanites, had destroyed all of the white Nephites in a number of great battles
-D&C 19:27
--27 Which is my word to the Gentile, that soon it may go to the Jew, of whom the Lamanites are a remnant, that they may believe the gospel, and look not for a Messiah to come who has already come.
-Mormon 8:6-7
--6 Behold, four hundred years have passed away since the coming of our Lord and Savior.
--7 And behold, the Lamanites have hunted my people, the Nephites, down from city to city and from place to place, even until they are no more; and great has been their fall; yea, great and marvelous is the destruction of my people, the Nephites.

12. the Nephites’ records were supposedly written on golden plates and buried by Moroni, the last living Nephite, the hill Cumorah
-Mormon 8:1-4
--1 Behold I, Moroni, do finish the record of my father, Mormon. Behold, I have but few things to write, which things I have been commanded by my father.
--2 And now it came to pass that after the great and tremendous battle at Cumorah, behold, the Nephites who had escaped into the country southward were hunted by the Lamanites, until they were all destroyed.
--3 And my father also was killed by them, and I even remain alone to write the sad tale of the destruction of my people. But behold, they are gone, and I fulfil the commandment of my father. And whether they will slay me, I know not.
--4 Therefore I will write and hide up the records in the earth; and whither I go it mattereth not.

13. 1400 years later, a young treasure-seeker named Joseph Smith, know for his tall tales
-FAIR Wiki (http://en.fairmormon.org)
--"Joseph and his family were involved in seeking for treasure. This was a common and accepted practice in their culture, though the Smiths do not seem to have been involved to the extent claimed by some of the exaggerated attacks upon them by former neighbours."
-Biographical Sketches of Joseph Smith the Prophet, and His Progenitors for many Generations; by Lucy Mack Smith
--"During our evening conversations, Joseph would occasionally give us some of the most amusing recitals that could be imagined. He would describe the ancient inhabitants of this continent, their dress, mode of travelings, and the animals upon which they rode; their cities, their buildings, with every particular; their mode of warfare; and also their religious worship. This he would do with as much ease, seemingly, as if he had spent his whole life among them."
-Joseph Smith--History (JS-H) 1:28, 56
--28 During the space of time which intervened between the time I had the vision and the year eighteen hundred and twenty-three—having been forbidden to join any of the religious sects of the day, and being of very tender years, and persecuted by those who ought to have been my friends and to have treated me kindly, and if they supposed me to be deluded to have endeavored in a proper and affectionate manner to have reclaimed me—I was left to all kinds of temptations; and, mingling with all kinds of society, I frequently fell into many foolish errors, and displayed the weakness of youth, and the foibles of human nature; which, I am sorry to say, led me into divers temptations, offensive in the sight of God. In making this confession, no one need suppose me guilty of any great or malignant sins. A disposition to commit such was never in my nature. But I was guilty of levity, and sometimes associated with jovial company, etc., not consistent with that character which ought to be maintained by one who was called of God as I had been. But this will not seem very strange to any one who recollects my youth, and is acquainted with my native cheery temperament.
--56 In the year 1823 my father’s family met with a great affliction by the death of my eldest brother, Alvin. In the month of October, 1825, I hired with an old gentleman by the name of Josiah Stoal, who lived in Chenango county, State of New York. He had heard something of a silver mine having been opened by the Spaniards in Harmony, Susquehanna county, State of Pennsylvania; and had, previous to my hiring to him, been digging, in order, if possible, to discover the mine. After I went to live with him, he took me, with the rest of his hands, to dig for the silver mine, at which I continued to work for nearly a month, without success in our undertaking, and finally I prevailed with the old gentleman to cease digging after it. Hence arose the very prevalent story of my having been a money-digger.

14. claimed to have uncovered these same gold plates near his home in upstate New York
-JS-H 1:49-54, 59
--49 The first thing that I can recollect was a voice speaking unto me, calling me by name. I looked up, and beheld the same messenger standing over my head, surrounded by light as before. He then again related unto me all that he had related to me the previous night, and commanded me to go to my father and tell him of the vision and commandments which I had received.
--50 I obeyed; I returned to my father in the field, and rehearsed the whole matter to him. He replied to me that it was of God, and told me to go and do as commanded by the messenger. I left the field, and went to the place where the messenger had told me the plates were deposited; and owing to the distinctness of the vision which I had had concerning it, I knew the place the instant that I arrived there.
--51 Convenient to the village of Manchester, Ontario county, New York, stands a hill of considerable size, and the most elevated of any in the neighborhood. On the west side of this hill, not far from the top, under a stone of considerable size, lay the plates, deposited in a stone box. This stone was thick and rounding in the middle on the upper side, and thinner towards the edges, so that the middle part of it was visible above the ground, but the edge all around was covered with earth.
--52 Having removed the earth, I obtained a lever, which I got fixed under the edge of the stone, and with a little exertion raised it up. I looked in, and there indeed did I behold the plates, the Urim and Thummim, and the breastplate, as stated by the messenger. The box in which they lay was formed by laying stones together in some kind of cement. In the bottom of the box were laid two stones crossways of the box, and on these stones lay the plates and the other things with them.
--53 I made an attempt to take them out, but was forbidden by the messenger, and was again informed that the time for bringing them forth had not yet arrived, neither would it, until four years from that time; but he told me that I should come to that place precisely in one year from that time, and that he would there meet with me, and that I should continue to do so until the time should come for obtaining the plates.
--54 Accordingly, as I had been commanded, I went at the end of each year, and at each time I found the same messenger there, and received instruction and intelligence from him at each of our interviews, respecting what the Lord was going to do, and how and in what manner his kingdom was to be conducted in the last days.
--59 At length the time arrived for obtaining the plates, the Urim and Thummim, and the breastplate. On the twenty-second day of September, one thousand eight hundred and twenty-seven, having gone as usual at the end of another year to the place where they were deposited, the same heavenly messenger delivered them up to me with this charge: that I should be responsible for them; that if I should let them go carelessly, or through any neglect of mine, I should be cut off; but that if I would use all my endeavors to preserve them, until he, the messenger, should call for them, they should be protected.

15. Joseph Smith is honored by Mormons as a prophet because he claimed to have had visions from the spirit world in which he was commanded to organize the Mormon church because all Christian creeds were an abomination
-D&C 20:2
--2 Which commandments were given to Joseph Smith, Jun., who was called of God, and ordained an apostle of Jesus Christ, to be the first elder of this church;
-JS-H 1:14-20, 24-26
--14 So, in accordance with this, my determination to ask of God, I retired to the woods to make the attempt. It was on the morning of a beautiful, clear day, early in the spring of eighteen hundred and twenty. It was the first time in my life that I had made such an attempt, for amidst all my anxieties I had never as yet made the attempt to pray vocally.
--15 After I had retired to the place where I had previously designed to go, having looked around me, and finding myself alone, I kneeled down and began to offer up the desires of my heart to God. I had scarcely done so, when immediately I was seized upon by some power which entirely overcame me, and had such an astonishing influence over me as to bind my tongue so that I could not speak. Thick darkness gathered around me, and it seemed to me for a time as if I were doomed to sudden destruction.
--16 But, exerting all my powers to call upon God to deliver me out of the power of this enemy which had seized upon me, and at the very moment when I was ready to sink into despair and abandon myself to destruction—not to an imaginary ruin, but to the power of some actual being from the unseen world, who had such marvelous power as I had never before felt in any being—just at this moment of great alarm, I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me.
--17 It no sooner appeared than I found myself delivered from the enemy which held me bound. When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other—This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!
--18 My object in going to inquire of the Lord was to know which of all the sects was right, that I might know which to join. No sooner, therefore, did I get possession of myself, so as to be able to speak, than I asked the Personages who stood above me in the light, which of all the sects was right (for at this time it had never entered into my heart that all were wrong)—and which I should join.
--19 I was answered that I must join none of them, for they were all wrong; and the Personage who addressed me said that all their creeds were an abomination in his sight; that those professors were all corrupt; that: “they draw near to me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me, they teach for doctrines the commandments of men, having a form of godliness, but they deny the power thereof.”
--20 He again forbade me to join with any of them; and many other things did he say unto me, which I cannot write at this time. When I came to myself again, I found myself lying on my back, looking up into heaven. When the light had departed, I had no strength; but soon recovering in some degree, I went home. And as I leaned up to the fireplace, mother inquired what the matter was. I replied, “Never mind, all is well—I am well enough off.” I then said to my mother, “I have learned for myself that Presbyterianism is not true.” It seems as though the adversary was aware, at a very early period of my life, that I was destined to prove a disturber and an annoyer of his kingdom; else why should the powers of darkness combine against me? Why the opposition and persecution that arose against me, almost in my infancy?
--24 However, it was nevertheless a fact that I had beheld a vision. I have thought since, that I felt much like Paul, when he made his defense before King Agrippa, and related the account of the vision he had when he saw a light, and heard a voice; but still there were but few who believed him; some said he was dishonest, others said he was mad; and he was ridiculed and reviled. But all this did not destroy the reality of his vision. He had seen a vision, he knew he had, and all the persecution under heaven could not make it otherwise; and though they should persecute him unto death, yet he knew, and would know to his latest breath, that he had both seen a light and heard a voice speaking unto him, and all the world could not make him think or believe otherwise.
--25 So it was with me. I had actually seen a light, and in the midst of that light I saw two Personages, and they did in reality speak to me; and though I was hated and persecuted for saying that I had seen a vision, yet it was true; and while they were persecuting me, reviling me, and speaking all manner of evil against me falsely for so saying, I was led to say in my heart: Why persecute me for telling the truth? I have actually seen a vision; and who am I that I can withstand God, or why does the world think to make me deny what I have actually seen? For I had seen a vision; I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it, neither dared I do it; at least I knew that by so doing I would offend God, and come under condemnation.
--26 I had now got my mind satisfied so far as the sectarian world was concerned—that it was not my duty to join with any of them, but to continue as I was until further directed. I had found the testimony of James to be true—that a man who lacked wisdom might ask of God, and obtain, and not be upbraided.
-D&C Explanatory Introduction
--"It was while he was living near Manchester in the spring of 1820, when he was fourteen years of age, that he experienced his first vision, in which he was visited in person by God, the Eternal Father, and his Son Jesus Christ. He was told in this vision that the true Church of Jesus Christ that had been established in New Testament times, and which had administered the fulness of the gospel, was no longer on the earth. Other divine manifestations followed in which he was taught by many angels; it was shown to him that God had a special work for him to do on the earth, and that through him the Church of Jesus Christ would be restored to the earth."
--"On April 6, 1830, under heavenly direction, the Prophet Joseph Smith organized the Church, and thus the true Church of Jesus Christ is once again operative as an institution among men, with authority to teach the gospel and administer the ordinances of salvation."
-D&C 1:17
--17 Wherefore, I the Lord, knowing the calamity which should come upon the inhabitants of the earth, called upon my servant Joseph Smith, Jun., and spake unto him from heaven, and gave him commandments.

16. by maintaining a rigid code financial and moral requirements and through performing sacred temple rituals, for themselves and the dead, the Latter-day Saints hope to prove their worthiness and thus become gods
-D&C 6:13
--13 If thou wilt do good, yea, and hold out faithful to the end, thou shalt be saved in the kingdom of God, which is the greatest of all the gifts of God; for there is no gift greater than the gift of salvation.
-D&C 14:7
--7 And, if you keep my commandments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God.
-D&C 76:92-95
--92 And thus we saw the glory of the celestial, which excels in all things—where God, even the Father, reigns upon his throne forever and ever;
--93 Before whose throne all things bow in humble reverence, and give him glory forever and ever.
--94 They who dwell in his presence are the church of the Firstborn; and they see as they are seen, and know as they are known, having received of his fulness and of his grace;
--95 And he makes them equal in power, and in might, and in dominion.
-D&C 124:29, 31-32, 39
--29 For a baptismal font there is not upon the earth, that they, my saints, may be baptized for those who are dead—
--31 But I command you, all ye my saints, to build a house unto me; and I grant unto you a sufficient time to build a house unto me; and during this time your baptisms shall be acceptable unto me.
--32 But behold, at the end of this appointment your baptisms for your dead shall not be acceptable unto me; and if you do not these things at the end of the appointment ye shall be rejected as a church, with your dead, saith the Lord your God.
--39 Therefore, verily I say unto you, that your anointings, and your washings, and your baptisms for the dead, and your solemn assemblies, and your memorials for your sacrifices by the sons of Levi, and for your oracles in your most holy places wherein you receive conversations, and your statutes and judgments, for the beginning of the revelations and foundation of Zion, and for the glory, honor, and endowment of all her municipals, are ordained by the ordinance of my holy house, which my people are always commanded to build unto my holy name.

17. everyone must stand at the final judgment before Joseph Smith, Jesus, and Elohim
-From the remarks of Brigham Young in the Tabernacle in Salt Lake City, UT October 9, 1859: Journal of Discourses, Vol.7, Pg.289.
--"Joseph Smith holds the keys of this last dispensation, and is now engaged behind the vail in the great work of the last days. I can tell our beloved brother Christians who have slain the Prophets and butchered and otherwise caused the death of thousands of Latter-day Saints, the priests who have thanked God in their prayers and thanksgiving from the pulpit that we have been plundered, driven, and slain, and the deacons under the pulpit, and their brethren and sisters in their closets, who have thanked God, thinking that the Latter-day Saints were wasted away, something that no doubt will mortify them—something that, to say the least, is a matter of deep regret to them—namely, that no man or woman in this dispensation will ever enter into the celestial kingdom of God without the consent of Joseph Smith. From the day that the Priesthood was taken from the earth to the winding-up scene of all things, every man and woman must have the certificate of Joseph Smith, junior, as a passport to their entrance into the mansion where God and Christ are—I with you and you with me. I cannot go there without his consent. He holds the keys of that kingdom for the last dispensation—the keys to rule in the spirit-world; and he rules there triumphantly, for he gained full power and a glorious victory over the power of Satan while he was yet in the flesh, and was a martyr to his religion and to the name of Christ, which gives him a most perfect victory in the spirit-world. He reigns there as supreme a being in his sphere, capacity, and calling, as God does in heaven. Many will exclaim—"Oh, that is very disagreeable! It is preposterous! We cannot bear the thought!" But it is true."

18. those Mormons who were sealed in the eternal marriage ceremony expect to become polygamous gods in the Celestial Kingdom, rule over the other planets, and spawn new families throughout eternity
-D&C 131:1-4
--1 In the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees;
--2 And in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into this border of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage];
--3 And if he does not, he cannot obtain it.
--4 He may enter into the other, but that is the end of his kingdom; he cannot have an increase.
-D&C 132:4-7
--4 For behold, I reveal unto you a new and an everlasting covenant; and if ye abide not that covenant, then are ye damned; for no one can reject this covenant and be permitted to enter into my glory.
--5 For all who will have a blessing at my hands shall abide the law which was appointed for that blessing, and the conditions thereof, as were instituted from before the foundation of the world.
--6 And as pertaining to the new and everlasting covenant, it was instituted for the fulness of my glory; and he that receiveth a fulness thereof must and shall abide the law, or he shall be damned, saith the Lord God.
--7 And verily I say unto you, that the conditions of this law are these: All covenants, contracts, bonds, obligations, oaths, vows, performances, connections, associations, or expectations, that are not made and entered into and sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, of him who is anointed, both as well for time and for all eternity, and that too most holy, by revelation and commandment through the medium of mine anointed, whom I have appointed on the earth to hold this power (and I have appointed unto my servant Joseph to hold this power in the last days, and there is never but one on the earth at a time on whom this power and the keys of this priesthood are conferred), are of no efficacy, virtue, or force in and after the resurrection from the dead; for all contracts that are not made unto this end have an end when men are dead.
-D&C 132:19-21, 37-39, 61-62
--19 And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood; and it shall be said unto them—Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection; and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths—then shall it be written in the Lamb’s Book of Life, that he shall commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, and if ye abide in my covenant, and commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever.
--20 Then shall they be gods, because they have no end; therefore shall they be from everlasting to everlasting, because they continue; then shall they be above all, because all things are subject unto them. Then shall they be gods, because they have call power, and the angels are subject unto them.
--21 Verily, verily, I say unto you, except ye abide my law ye cannot attain to this glory.
--37 Abraham received concubines, and they bore him children; and it was accounted unto him for righteousness, because they were given unto him, and he abode in my law; as Isaac also and Jacob did none other things than that which they were commanded; and because they did none other things than that which they were commanded, they have entered into their exaltation, according to the promises, and sit upon thrones, and are not angels but are gods.
--38 David also received many wives and concubines, and also Solomon and Moses my servants, as also many others of my servants, from the beginning of creation until this time; and in nothing did they sin save those things which they received not of me.
--39 David’s wives and concubines were given unto him of me, by the hand of Nathan, my servant, and others of the prophets who had the keys of this power; and in none of these things did he sin against me save in the case of Uriah and his wife; and, therefore he hath fallen from his exaltation, and received his portion; and he shall not inherit them out of the world, for I gave them unto another, saith the Lord.
--61 And again, as pertaining to the law of the priesthood—if any man espouse a virgin, and desire to espouse another, and the first give her consent, and if he espouse the second, and they are virgins, and have vowed to no other man, then is he justified; he cannot commit adultery for they are given unto him; for he cannot commit adultery with that that belongeth unto him and to no one else.
--62 And if he have ten virgins given unto him by this law, he cannot commit adultery, for they belong to him, and they are given unto him; therefore is he justified.

19. Mormons thank god for Joseph Smith, who claimed that he had done more for us than any other man, including Jesus Christ
-History of the Church, Vol.6, Ch.19, Pg.409
--"God is in the still small voice. In all these affidavits, indictments, it is all of the devil—all corruption. Come on! ye prosecutors! ye false swearers! All hell, boil over! Ye burning mountains, roll down your lava! for I will come out on the top at last. I have more to boast of than ever any man had. I am the only man that has ever been able to keep a whole church together since the days of Adam. A large majority of the whole have stood by me. Neither Paul, John, Peter, nor Jesus ever did it. I boast that no man ever did such a work as I. The followers of Jesus ran away from Him; but the Latter-day Saints never ran away from me yet."

20. Mormons believe he died as a martyr, shed his blood for us, so that we, too, may become gods
-D&C 135:1, 3, 6
--1 To seal the testimony of this book and the Book of Mormon, we announce the martyrdom of Joseph Smith the Prophet, and Hyrum Smith the Patriarch.
--3 Joseph Smith, the Prophet and Seer of the Lord, has done more, save Jesus only, for the salvation of men in this world, than any other man that ever lived in it. In the short space of twenty years, he has brought forth the Book of Mormon, which he translated by the gift and power of God, and has been the means of publishing it on two continents; has sent the fulness of the everlasting gospel, which it contained, to the four quarters of the earth; has brought forth the revelations and commandments which compose this book of Doctrine and Covenants, and many other wise documents and instructions for the benefit of the children of men; gathered many thousands of the Latter-day Saints, founded a great city, and left a fame and name that cannot be slain. He lived great, and he died great in the eyes of God and his people; and like most of the Lord’s anointed in ancient times, has sealed his mission and his works with his own blood; and so has his brother Hyrum. In life they were not divided, and in death they were not separated!
--6 Hyrum Smith was forty-four years old in February, 1844, and Joseph Smith was thirty-eight in December, 1843; and henceforward their names will be classed among the martyrs of religion; and the reader in every nation will be reminded that the Book of Mormon, and this book of Doctrine and Covenants of the church, cost the best blood of the nineteenth century to bring them forth for the salvation of a ruined world; and that if the fire can scathe a green tree for the glory of God, how easy it will burn up the dry trees to purify the vineyard of corruption. They lived for glory; they died for glory; and glory is their eternal reward. From age to age shall their names go down to posterity as gems for the sanctified.
-D&C 136:39
--39 Many have marveled because of his death; but it was needful that he should seal his testimony with his blood, that he might be honored and the wicked might be condemned.

Quick cartoon background of mormonism

2008-08-22T15:50:00.002-05:00

The cartoon may look and sound silly, but everything in it is true! (according to mormonism, that is)

Well, since Jesus already took care of it, I suppose

2008-08-12T17:59:00.002-05:00

Well, isn't this just a doozy?

According to Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), champion of the Christian right, we need to stop wasting our time and resources trying to save the planet.

According to TPM:

Bachmann says we don't need pesky environmentalists like Nancy Pelosi around, because Jesus already saved the planet!
"[Pelosi] is committed to her global warming fanaticism to the point where she has said that she's just trying to save the planet," Bachmann told the right-wing news site OneNewsNow. "We all know that someone did that over 2,000 years ago, they saved the planet -- we didn't need Nancy Pelosi to do that."

Well, damn. Thanks to Jesus, then, for saving the earth! Now, what to do about the rising temperatures, melting arctic ice cap, and dying polar bears...

I mean, seriously.

I've heard before that the fundies sometimes encourage wastefulness because that is supposed to usher in the return of Jesus to our dying planet. They're looking forward to armageddon and the rapture and all that jazz.

But a congress-person? True, I'm not surprised, but I do prefer the ideal of separation of church and state. Come on!

Besides, what if a Mormon senator said that archaeologists need to stop "wasting their time" in South America because the Book of Mormon already tells us the *facts* about the ancient people there?

Or if a Muslim representative said we need to end our alliance with Israel because Allah actually promised the land to the descendents of Ishmael, his *true* chosen people?

Exactly.

Sigh....

Mormo

2008-07-23T08:12:00.004-05:00

I was trying to Google something online yesterday, and I accidentally typed "mormo" instead of "mormon." And, to my delighted surprise, mormo is an entry in Wikipedia:

"In Greek mythology, Mormo was a spirit who bit bad children"

It made me chuckle a little bit :-)

Oh My!

2008-06-25T07:24:00.004-05:00

Whew, what an interesting morning already! Let me start with a couple of days ago--

When I get bored, I go to friends' blogs and click the links they have there for other blogs and peruse around. I don't know why I do that, I don't normally like the other blogs, but hey, I'm bored. I can't think straight!

So, on Monday, I came across a blog by a perky little white girl out west somewhere, maybe Idaho. She had a blog post called MEXICAN WORD OF THE DAY with stupid little sayings that are supposed to sound funny if you say them in a loud, Mexican accent. I couldn't leave the blog without saying what a racist "joke" that was, so I left a comment.

Oh dear.

I suppose she decided to come to my blogs and read everything. No problemo, that's why I didn't post anonymously. And this is what she had to say to me this morning:

"Amy Sue has left a new comment on your post "Musings":

"Hi Michelle,

"This is Amy whose blog you visited through Angela. The post that I made was sent to me BY A HISPANIC. I am in awe that you are in awe! Especially coming from a proclaimed liberal and ESPECIALLY after reading your highly offensive "An Answer, At Last" post. Yeah yeah yeah, I get it; that it's supposed to be sarcastic, but guess what?? So was that! And I really did find it truly offensive. Who in the heck needs to read that garbage, kidding or not. Oh yeah, and your post about the Prophet. Again, offensive. But you don't have to worry about me because I won't be vising your blog again.

"You should really think about things before you make a joke out of them, and think about who it might hurt. I'm in awe."

"Seriously!"

Whew!

First off, I'm so happy that she knows "A HISPANIC!!" That makes it okay to be racist!

Second, I KNOW that "An Answer, At Last" was offensive! It was offensive to me! That's why I posted about it and responded at the end with "Excuse me now while I go throw up a bit." I linked EVERYTHING I wrote to the website that was purporting this ridiculousness. Seriously, you couldn't catch that? I don't think the things I wrote on that post! Wow.

Third, the prophet post? Really?? The one from The Colbert Report? I'm assuming she's never heard of Stephen Colbert before, or there's NO WAY she could have been offended by that! I don't understand her sensitivity, anyway. He wasn't even making fun of Hinckley, or the Mormon church, at all! He was making a joke about his writers!! Oh dear, once again.

My fourth point, being Mexican is not a choice. However, believing in a religion is purely choice. It is not okay to make jokes about something that people have no control over. I.e.: Oh my god! Look at that guy! He only has one leg! Maybe we should go push him over!

I'm sure she would never think about making fun of somebody who had a disability. How is making fun of someone's accent because they were born in a different country any better?

But when you make a CHOICE to follow a religion, THAT is something you can control. It's fair game.

However, I don't "make fun." Okay, perhaps the BYU posters was poking fun, but you'd have to work hard to convince me that anything else I've written on this blog was actually making fun of her religion, mormonism.

Amazing how you can be so sensitive about things when it has to do with you, yet be so willing to laugh at others. If you want to dish it out, you've got to be ready to take it... Isn't that what they say?

Goodness!

I hope it didn't ruin her day. She seemed pretty worked up!

PS. I'm not sure how being a "proclaimed liberal" is supposed to mean I'm okay with making fun of people's ethnicity. But hey, good try!

Religulous

2008-06-19T12:21:00.000-05:00

I already posted this on my other blog, but it's appropriate here, as well!

I just learned about a documentary coming out on October 3rd by Bill Maher called Religulous. It looks fantastic... I can't wait to see it!

The movie has a fun website, too.

Atheism, defined

2008-06-03T20:32:00.002-05:00

I got this from Friendly Atheist, who got it from August Berkshire, president of Minnesota Atheists.

It’s called “The Four Cs of Atheism.”

Like many of you reading this, I describe myself as a flaming liberal. Yet in one area I am a conservative. I am an atheist.

Yes, atheism is a conservative position. We make no leaps of faith. We accept statements only so far as there is reason and/or evidence to back them up. Anything else is speculation.

Atheism is also consistent. We apply our skepticism equally to all supernatural claims. We do not say, “All prophets, saviors, or gods are false – except ours.” We make no exceptions or special pleadings, which makes us consistent.

Another benefit of atheism is that it is contradiction-free. We don’t have to try to reconcile an all-loving, all-seeing, all-powerful god with the existence of evil. We don’t have to define love exactly the opposite of the way we normally define it in order to make it applicable to our god. We don’t have to claim a poor supernatural designer is intelligent.

An atheist also possesses clarity in his or her thinking processes. An atheist has the courage to follow the trail of reason and evidence wherever it may lead. If there should some day be a compelling reason or piece of evidence for a god, then we would acknowledge it and change our views. This is also known as intellectual honesty.

One of the arguments of Pascal’s Wager is that a person loses nothing by believing in a god. I beg to differ. Accepting Pascal’s Wager means saying that we are willing to abandon reason and evidence as our standards of living, and instead make a leap of faith to… where?

It’s true that by converting (or deconverting) from theism to atheism a person can lose his or her cosmic specialness and meaning in life and any hope of an afterlife. But you can’t lose what you never really had.

The reality of atheism far outweighs the dream of religion. There is an excitement and beauty to perceiving the world as it really is, and not as a wishful thought.

I think this is unfortunate

2008-05-22T14:27:00.001-05:00

Kids

Appeals Court Overrules Decision Placing Sect Kids in State Custody

By SCOTT MICHELS
May 22, 2008

An appeals court ruled today that Texas didn't have the authority to keep dozens of children from a polygamist sect in state custody.

Mother from the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints walks past a sheriff deputy on the steps of the Tom Green County courthouse during the fourth day of custody hearings near San Angelo, Texas on Thursday.

(AP Photo/LM Otero)
More Photos

The Third Court of Appeals in Austin, in response to a motion from 38 sect mothers, ruled that Child Protective Services did not present enough evidence at a hearing last month that the children were at risk of abuse to justify keeping them in state custody.

The court said that the state had not demonstrated that the children were in immediate danger and that Judge Barbara Walther abused her discretion in failing to return the children to their families.

The impact of the decision was not immediately clear, but it likely means that the children of the 38 mothers will be returned to their families at least temporarily. The state could also appeal the decision to the Texas Supreme Court.

"We just received this information from the Court of Appeals, and it is being reviewed," Child Protective Services said in a statement. "We are trying to assess any impact this may have on our case and what our next steps will be."

I think any child being raised in this type of environment is being abused, regardless of what evidence could or could not be presented to court. It's unfortunate that the children now have to go back to this place. And I had so much hope that they could break away.

An answer, at last!

2008-05-22T08:28:00.003-05:00

Ever suffer from this common problem?

You believe that you should be a virgin until your wedding night, but you're not there yet and you're horny as hell.

There used to be no solution other than countless cold showers.

But, that's clearly just because you haven't read the Bible well enough!

The solution is easy enough: according to God's will, if you want to preserve your virginity, you need to have anal sex instead! That's right! You'll still be a virgin as long as you take it up the butt! (There's even scriptural evidence to back it up... phew!)

Still not enough for you? You're in luck! There is also information about how the will of God proscribes other methods for preserving your chastity before marriage. You can have oral sex (But beware! The woman MUST swallow, or it's a sin against the Lord!), you can masturbate (it's God's gift to us!), you can look at porn (but ONLY Christ-centered porn, of course!), or you can fist (but only in the anus before marriage).

Plenty of ways to have sex while remaining a virgin!

At least for the women. I don't really understand how sticking your dick up a girl's butt makes you more of a virgin than sticking it up her vagina. But, that's not what matters, I suppose. As long as the woman remains chaste! That's her only gift to her new husband, you know.

And what about after marriage? What if you need some extra fulfillment, some excitement? Don't worry, God didn't forget about you! He allows all kinds of fun ways to spice up your sex life, according to the Bible!

Try a threesome (but in order to avoid homosexuality, it must ALWAYS be 2 women and 1 man, of course), bondage (but it must be the husband dominating the wife, or there may be confusion about who is the true head of the house outside of the bedroom), Viagra (because a strong erection is a gift from God), or of course, fisting, masturbation, or porn.

I can't forget to note, though, that the woman MUST shave herself bare, "down there," because to remain hairy is an affront to God.

Any questions? Don't worry, they've provide a FAQ section, as well. Or, send in your own questions!

Excuse me now while I go throw up a bit.

Keep it to the knees, please!

2008-04-30T16:12:00.004-05:00

Ah, BYU. Breed'em Young University. Oh, right, I mean, Brigham, not Breed'em!! Raising our young'uns to trim their mustaches just right!

I ran across these Modesty and Grooming Standards posters created by BYU students to remind them how to dress "properly" at all times. You can see them all (and more, for every standard out there!) at the Student Honor Association's webpage.

BYU - Teaching you how to touch your shoulders for 147 years! Because that'll get you into heaven!

*Update: Looking through some more posters, I saw this one. I wonder what Gary Coleman would say if he knew BYU was using his image to chastise porn lovers.

From BBC.co.uk

2008-04-29T14:50:00.000-05:00

Texas sect girls 'mostly mothers'

The sect says a man must have three wives to attain salvation

More than half of the teenage girls removed from a polygamist sect in Eldorado, Texas, are either mothers or currently pregnant, US officials say.

All 463 children on the Yearning For Zion Ranch were taken into care after allegations of sexual abuse prompted police to raid the ranch this month.

Officials from the sect deny that any children were abused at the ranch.

Authorities believe that of the 53 girls aged between 14 and 17, 29 are already mothers and two are pregnant.

"It shows you a pretty distinct pattern, that it was pretty pervasive," said Darrell Azar, a spokesman for the Texas Child Protective Services.

'Largest case'

Detectives raided the ranch after a 16-year-old girl called an abuse hotline saying she had been beaten and raped by her 50-year-old husband.

The Yearning for Zion ranch belongs to a breakaway Mormon sect

As a result of the raid, all children on the ranch aged between six months and 17 years of age were placed in emergency state custody.

Texas law states that if sexual abuse is happening in a home and a parent does not put a stop to it, then the parent can lose custody of the child.

The Yearning for Zion ranch belongs to a breakaway Mormon sect called the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (FLDS).

Three wives

The sect is led by polygamist Warren Jeffs, who is currently in jail as an accomplice to rape after he forced a 14-year-old girl to marry her cousin.

The self-proclaimed prophet is currently awaiting trial in Arizona on charges of being an accomplice to four counts of incest and sexual conduct with a minor stemming from two arranged marriages.

The 10,000-strong sect, which dominates the towns of Colorado City in Arizona, and Hildale, Utah, split from the mainstream Mormon church more than a century ago.

Members believe a man must marry at least three wives in order to ascend to heaven.

Women are meanwhile taught that their path to heaven depends on being subservient to their husband.

Uh, hello.

2008-04-21T15:29:00.004-05:00

Oh, I feel bad. I finally got a reader to this blog (hi Sam!) but then I didn't post anything. Whoopsy!

But, speaking of mormonism, seen anything lately about the polygamist sect Yearning for Zion (YFZ) out in west Texas? El Dorado, I do believe. Oh boy.

They were raided recently after police received an anonymous (possibly fake, they now say) phone call reportedly from a 16 year-old girl who was being "sexually and physically abused" by a man in his 50's.

All of the children under the age of 17 have now been removed from the ranch by Child Protective Services, and the mothers are going on air to beg for the return of their children. They said the children need their mothers, who are in no way abusing their children.

I beg to differ.

By raising your daughters to believe that their entire salvation rests on marrying a man (who, by the way, must be married to AT LEAST 3 women in order to be granted entrance into heaven) and obeying him without thinking for yourself, you are abusing them. By forcing your daughters to marry men decades older than themselves when they are just hitting puberty, you are abusing them. By teaching your sons that they should treat women this way, and view them as nothing more than baby vessels, you are abusing them.

Look at yourselves! You have been abused! You are robots!

The mothers where on Larry King Live the other night. Now, if you've ever watched Larry King, you know how much he likes to jump all over the place and interject, change the subject, try to ask shocking questions, etc. He must have been going MAD inside during this interview!!

I'd rather post the higher quality CNN version than find something on YouTube, so click the link. It's 14 minutes and it might make you want to throw things. Just warning you.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/bestoftv/2008/04/17/lkl.polygamy.long.cnn

You want your children to turn out just like you?

PS. Where can I get a dress like that?
PPS. Here's a shorter clip of their robotic-ness: http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2008/04/16/lkl.flds.polygamy.women.cnn?iref=videosearch

Seriously, though?

2008-02-16T14:35:00.004-05:00

Ask a deeply religious Christian if he’d rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don’t seem so bad lately.
Scott Adams, The Dilbert Blog: Atheists: The New Gays, 11-19-06
US cartoonist (1957 - )

Seriously, though, just get over yourselves!

Death of a Prophet

2008-02-01T15:49:00.001-05:00

I don't know if my family will appreciate this humor, but I sure do!!!

Or click here:
http://www.comedycentral.com/motherload/index.jhtml?ml_video=148509

Awesome :-)

So there

2008-01-18T18:02:00.001-05:00

I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe, and someone said I was a snake, I'd think, no, actually I'm a giraffe.
- Richard Gere

Putting it out there

2008-01-13T09:35:00.000-05:00

My honey and I occasionally toss around the idea of a book, a memoir of sorts. A Young Person's Guide to Mormonism (and surviving life after it's all behind you). Or something to that effect.

It's definitely something that's intriguing to me, but where do you start?

"Hi, my name is Michelle, and I'm a recovering mormonholic."

It's hard to think about organizing all of my rants into something coherent! But, wouldn't it be fun? And extremely aggravating, all at once?

Fantastic!!

2008-01-06T10:01:00.000-05:00

PS. Where are all the women?

2007-12-29T21:00:00.000-05:00

I got so carried away with how depressing the church service was, that I forgot to mention the part that made me the most angry! Though, I don't know why... it didn't surprise me at all.

During the last talk, the man speaking (I think he was part of the bishopric), was giving his testimony or whatever, talking about how he was so grateful for Gordon Hinckley, and Joseph Smith, and God, and Jesus, and Brigham Young, and he, him, he, him BLAH.

I leaned over to dad and said, "he, he, him, him. Where are all the women?"

Dad says, "Well, it was the women who supported the men!"

...

Excuse me, I just threw up a little bit.

It is not my job, nor should any other woman think it is her job, to be some man's support while he goes off and makes a name for himself. Sure, sure, be supportive of your husband, etc. But that doesn't make you who you are! You are your own person, and should be recognized as such.

No, the problem is that the Mormon church is a 100% patriarchy, and that's how they like it, thank you very much. So, they'll continue to suppress women, push down their thoughts and accomplishments, and make them feel like that's the way god intended it to be, until the women decide that's not okay, they're not going to take it anymore, and they either do something about it or leave.

Heh. Great.

Step 8: Wake Up!

2007-12-29T12:13:00.000-05:00

So, the xmas season has come and gone. Time was spent with family on both ends. My family was, of course, all Jesus-fied, but were actually much more tame this go 'round than in years past. However, my honey and I were invited to church to watch my father, brother, brother-in-law, and quite possibly soon to be other brother-in-law sing a Jesus xmas song. So, we went, and sat through about 25 minutes of the mormon service.

Whoa. It was depressing.

I mean, I remember that it wasn't all that exciting when I went, but it's been such a long time, and I hadn't really realized how SAD the whole thing is.

Besides the fact that there were kids screaming as they played with their toys, women clipping their fingernails in the pew ahead of us, people dozing on the stand, etc...

But the music and the talks were the complete opposite of uplifting! Nobody seemed happy to be there. The songs just kind of droned on. The talks... oh, the talks... All about how we all make mistakes and nobody is perfect, nor will we ever be, and we're sinners, and we... well, we basically suck. No hope, no inspiration, no excitement. Just like robots.

At least at a Southern Baptist Church you'll find people dancing in the aisles!

No wonder Utah is ranked as the #1 most depressed state in the country according to Mental Health America. Sad.

Figure out how to wake up and find some joy in your life!! I know I'm happy with my life.

Maybe you should consider leaving the church behind, too...

PostSecret

2007-08-12T08:50:00.000-05:00

Letter to my Brother

2007-08-12T08:38:00.000-05:00

Brother,

Sorry it’s taken me so long to write back to you, but I really think you deserve to have a well-thought out response from me. I’m going to respond in sections to what you wrote me. Your words are in italics; my responses follow.

Hey Michelle, I was thinking about you the other day and I wanted to talk to you about your beliefs. I was wondering if you really found fault in the gospel of Jesus Christ, have no faith in a savior and the eternal nature of our spirits, or if you just gave up trying to follow the commandments and decided that giving it all away would be easier. I don't believe that you could really feel that the gospel of Jesus Christ as restore in this time is not the true gospel of happiness.

This is a legitimate question with an easy answer. I stopped believing in the teachings of the LDS church. Rather, I found many teachings of the early leaders (Joseph Smith, Brigham Young) that I thought were so wrong, so far off-base that I could not believe anything else they had said, and came to believe that the church had been founded on lies. It had absolutely nothing to do with any inability on my part to follow the commandments. In fact it was nearly 8 months after I officially left the church before I even tried a cup of coffee because the Word of Wisdom had been so deeply ingrained in me. It was even longer before I tried alcohol. In fact, I probably still follow many of the commandments, even today. I only left because I could not continue to associate with a church that I so strongly disagreed with.

I need to tell you that from the beginning, I never read any “anti-Mormon” literature. I did all of my research out of books from the Utah State University library that were “church-approved” and were either directly written by early church leaders or compiled by LDS members. It was the words of Joseph Smith and Brigham Young that turned me away from the church. The things I read are no longer taught in the church on Sundays, because they are too “outdated” and “obscure” for modern members. I no longer have my research as it’s been four or five years since I left the church, but I will do what I can to give you some of the information I found.

The first thing I read that really scared me was that Joseph Smith (and many prophets and apostles after him) taught that Mary did not conceive Jesus by a “miracle,” but rather, God the Father actually came down to earth and had sex with Mary in order to conceive their child. When I read that, I thought it was utterly blasphemous!! I immediately called Dad to ask him if he had heard that before. He told me that yes, that was the church’s position on the “virgin birth,” and he had been taught that in Primary. I talked to my roommate about it, and she called her father, a bishop in California, who confirmed what Dad had said. I spoke with her father to get some clarification. He told me that there are certain laws of nature that even God cannot break, and conception is one of them. He gave me another example, stating that a law of nature is: “If you put your finger in a fire, you will get burned.” So, of course, I asked him why, if God is bound by the laws of nature, that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego could stand in a fire for hours and not be burned. He had no answer for me. Have you heard this teaching before? It was completely inconceivable to me, and I could not believe it. Brigham Young said: "The birth of the Saviour was as natural as are the births of our children; it was the result of natural action. He partook of flesh and blood - was begotten of his Father, as we were of our fathers" (Journal of Discourses, Brigham Young, 8:115). For more statements about this by other General Authorities, you can see them compiled here.

From there I continued my research. Here are some other teachings I found unbelievable:

Brigham Young said that men inhabit both the moon and the sun: “So it is with regard to the inhabitants of the sun. Do you think it is inhabited? I rather think it is. Do you think there is any life there? No question of it; it was not made in vain. It was made to give light to those who dwell upon it…” (Journal of Discourses, vol. 13, p. 271 (1870))

It is believed that Joseph Smith taught the same thing. Oliver B. Huntington, an early church member said: “Nearly all the great discoveries of men in the last half century have, in one way or another, either directly or indirectly, contributed to prove Joseph Smith to be a Prophet. As far back as 1837, I know that he said the moon was inhabited by men and women the same as this earth, and that they lived to a greater age than we do -- that they live generally to near the age of 1000 years. He described the men as averaging near six feet in height, and dressing quite uniformly in something near the Quaker style. In my Patriarchal blessing, given by the father of Joseph the Prophet, in Kirtland, 1837, I was told that I should preach the gospel before I was 21 years of age; that I should preach the gospel to the inhabitants upon the islands of the sea, and to the inhabitants of the moon, even the planet you can now behold with your eyes." (The Young Woman's Journal, published by the Young Ladies' Mutual Improvement Associations of Zion, 1892, vol. 3, pp. 263-64)

Brigham Young taught that slavery is a blessing from God: “It is a great blessing to the seed of Adam to have the seed of Cain [the negro race] for servants.” (Brigham Young Addresses, MS d 1234, Box 48, folder 3, LDS Church Historical Dept., as cited in Tanner, The Changing World of Mormonism, p. 132, and in Tanner, Mormonism: Shadow or Reality?, 5th ed., p. 293A.)

Brigham Young taught that Adam, the first man on earth, was actually God in the flesh. Many modern Mormons dispute this fact, but Bruce R. McConkie wrote in a letter that “Yes, President Young did teach that Adam was the father of our spirits, and all the related things that the cultists ascribe to him. This, however, is not true. He expressed views that are out of harmony with the gospel.” After reading this I thought, if Young, a prophet of the church, was wrong about this, what else was he wrong about?

I found many more early church teachings that I disagreed with, but my purpose in this email is not to dissuade you from your beliefs. I just want to show you what got me started in my research. I left the LDS church because I felt that I had been lied to by the church my entire life. Today I find even the well-known teachings ridiculous, but that has come after years of being away from the church. For example, every good member believes that by going to the temple and learning the special signs and handshakes taught there, they may pass the sentinels in heaven and enter the Celestial Kingdom. There, they will live with God, Jesus, and their families (although I think this is really just with their spouse, not with their parents, siblings, or children), become Gods themselves, rule their own planets, and spend the rest of eternity populating those planets (i.e.: women will be eternally pregnant). While I know this teaching makes perfect sense to you, it seems far-out and silly to me.

So, yes, I really feel that the “gospel of Jesus Christ as restored in this time is not the true gospel of happiness.”

Faith is not a cult, nor a giving up of your freedoms. Rather, it is a pathway, by your own means and works, to make the best out of your life and to find happiness and joy.

I absolutely agree with you. There are many groups, especially radical religious groups, that can be considered cults (see People’s Temple, Branch Davidians, and Heaven’s Gate). But faith itself is clearly not a cult. That is the main idea behind many eastern religions (Buddhism, Taoism, etc.). These ancient belief systems are not religions at all, but guidelines for living your life in a way that will bring you peace, happiness, and joy. In fact, the main teachings of Buddhism are called “The Eightfold Path,” a pathway, as you say, by which you make the best out of your life. My problem with the LDS church, in part, was that it did not encourage faith as “a pathway, by your own means and works.” Rather, the church lays out specific rules that you must follow so that hopefully you may make it into the Celestial Kingdom. It didn’t give much guidance in finding happiness and joy in this life; rather, you are encouraged to forego happiness in life in order to ensure a happy afterlife.

In addition, being part of the LDS church is a much sweeter deal for men than for women. Since my days in Primary, I was taught that my sole purpose in life, my “divine role” was to become a wife and mother. In fact, as a woman, I would not even be able to enter the Celestial Kingdom unless I was married by the time of my death AND my husband chose to call my name from the other side of the veil! I could not even enter on my own merits! And then what would happen if: I did not ever marry; my husband failed to remain worthy to enter the Celestial Kingdom; or, worst of all, my husband chose not to call my name? Well, the best I could hope for would be that some other man in heaven would find me worthy and thereby call me over to join him as one of his polygamous, lesser wives. And of course, if all of these requirements were met and I at last made it into the Celestial Kingdom, I would still be relegated to “second class citizen,” never ruling my own planet, destined to forever have “heaven sex” and produce spirit babies to populate my husband’s planet(s). How can any woman who has any sense of self-worth be satisfied with this arrangement?

In fact, just in the last session of General Conference, your prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley, said: “Husbands, love and treasure your wives. They are your most precious possessions.” (Ensign, May 2007, page 105.) No, I am nobody’s possession! A car is a possession. A book is a possession. A wife is not.

So you see, while faith itself may give you fulfillment, happiness, and joy in this life, I could never have found that within the LDS church. Instead, I would have been faced with a lifetime of guilt, worry, frustration, and of never feeling good enough. I would never have been able to make my own decisions, based on what I believed were best for me, because I would have always been told that I don’t have that authority, that men who hold the priesthood are the “mouthpiece of God,” and that what they say goes, regardless of how I feel about it. So, perhaps those of you who are in charge may feel that the LDS church leads you down a pathway to make the best out of your life, but the rest of us cannot say the same.

I know that our spirits are eternal, that we have always existed and always will. I don't think that you, yourself, could be able to imagine, nor would want to imagine an end to your existence.

Unfortunately, you can’t know this, you can only believe it. And believing it is fine if that gives you hope and/or a feeling of fulfillment, but it doesn’t work for me. I don’t know what happens after we die, but I’m okay with not knowing that. I think it’s true that human brains cannot understand the concept of eternity with nothing ever ending while at the same time being unable to comprehend the thought of something just ending and disappearing from existence. I do believe in the scientific truth that energy is neither created nor destroyed, so perhaps there is an energy force within us that remains after our death, but I cannot even begin to say what happens with that energy force. And I’m perfectly fine with not knowing.

The greatest thing that we have to enjoy in this life is our agency to make our own decisions. I love the fact that we are independant people who get to make our own decisions. I know that because we get to choose, we learn the most and are able to become better people. I also know that because we can always make decisions, we can always change. Just like you chose to separate yourself from the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and its teachings, you are always able to rejoin yourself if you so choose. It is never too late to change anything.

I would like to refer you back a few paragraphs to where I wrote about my lack of decision-making power as a woman in the LDS church. In addition to what I’ve already said on the matter, I must continue to strongly disagree with your claim that “we are independent people who get to make our own decisions.” Adults in the LDS church are not even free to decide what kind of underwear to put on in the morning, let alone being allowed to make important decisions! What if next year in the October General Conference, Gordon B. Hinckley told all American members of voting age to vote for Mitt Romney in the presidential election because this country was in need of a strong, LDS president? Would you do it? My guess is yes, not because you know anything about Romney, but because the prophet told you to. Perhaps this is an extreme example. Let me give you a different example.

Have you ever heard of the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA)? It is a proposed amendment to the US Constitution, first introduced to Congress in 1923, that would guarantee equal rights to all US citizens, regardless of gender. Seems like a no-brainer, right? Why wouldn’t the US guarantee equal rights to women in this country? I thought they already did anyway, right? Wrong. This amendment has been submitted to Congress nearly every year since 1923, and it still has not passed. In the year 2007, women are still not guaranteed equal rights in the Constitution. In the late 1970’s, there was a large movement across the nation to try to pass the ERA. Many feminist groups lobbied Congress for years to pass the amendment, but when it came time for ratification by the states in 1982, only 35 of the needed 38 states agreed to ratify the ERA. During this time period, the LDS church was vehemently against the passage of the ERA. The First Presidency sent letters to bishops and stake presidents that were to be read to their congregations explicitly stating their opposition to the proposed amendment. They did not want women to be guaranteed equal rights by the Constitution. Why? This is only speculation, but perhaps they did not want to then be pressured to give women more power within the church, in the same way that they had been pressured to give the priesthood to black men in 1978. In fact, a woman named Sonia Johnson was actually excommunicated from the church because of her involvement in trying to pass the ERA. She was a strong LDS member who never stopped believing in the church, did not break any of the “laws” of the church, and even continued to attend church for a full year after her excommunication. Was she given the agency to make her own decisions? Clearly, she was not.

Even when LDS members do make “their own decisions,” if those decisions are contrary to the mainstream, they are ostracized, looked down upon, and pressured to change their minds. Take yourself, for example. How much guilt has been placed upon you, even by your own family members, for being a 20-year-old man who has not yet served a mission? I applaud you for putting your education first, but I can’t imagine it’s been easy for you to defend yourself.

Sure, people have the right to make their own decisions, but not if they want to be a good LDS member.

I just don't want you to lose hope in life.

This was the most shocking line of your entire email! I know that we don’t know each other very well since we’ve lived apart for 8 years, but I believe anybody who knows me at all knows that this statement is far from the truth! When I told some of my friends about this line in your email, they all agreed that I’m the last person they would ever say that about. Just because I don’t believe in your church doesn’t mean that I’ve lost hope in life! It only means that I don’t believe in your church. I love life! I enjoy every day of it. In fact, I may enjoy it more than many religious people because when something is going wrong, I don’t need to blame a God that I thought was loving and caring. I don’t need to claim that “trials and tribulations” are just God’s way of “testing me” to see if I’m strong enough. I can just deal with what’s happening to me and do whatever I can to fix things myself. And when things are going well, I can bask in the goodness that surrounds me. I have many ambitions still in life and I hold out plenty of hope that I can enjoy my life and accomplish my goals by its end.

I don't want you to be under a false impression that life is all about the moment that it takes place. Life is about always, that's why we have memories of our past, the experience of the present, and the dreams of the future.

But life IS all about the moment!! How can you enjoy it otherwise? Yes, we have our memories, and we can learn from our mistakes in the past, but we can’t live in the past! We can’t change the things that have already happened. And the future, well, we can’t live there, either. We can work hard today to ensure a happy future, but you don’t know how much of a future you have, anyway! Ah, the folly of youth, to feel invincible. Yes, it’s wise to plan for your retirement, but you can’t bank on it! You don’t know if you’ll even be alive next week, let alone 60 years from now! Of course life is all about making the most out of today! I think that’s one of the saddest parts about religion, that so many people are content to live out their lives in a miserable state in the hope that they’re “storing away treasures unto heaven.” So, what happens if you get to the end and you realize that’s it – that’s the end? Or that you had it all wrong, that actually the only true religion was Islam, or Judaism, or Hinduism, or Sikhism, and you wasted your life not living, because you were planning for an eternity that doesn’t exist? Why not enjoy what’s happening to you now? Why not make the most of what you have now? Why not be happy?

I love you so much as my sister and I don't want to see you take the easy road in life, that you can't gain as much from.

Do you honestly think the “easy road” was telling Mom, Dad, my bishop, my roommates, you, and our sisters that I no longer believed in the church I was raised in and could no longer be a part of it? You think that was easy for me?? On the contrary, that was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. There is no way that you can claim I took the “easy road” by leaving the LDS church. No, the easy thing would have been to just stay in the church and do the things I had always done, even though I really didn’t believe in it anymore. The easy road would have been to become more and more miserable as I became stuck in a church that I disagreed with, that didn’t serve my needs, and that denied me rights and status as a woman. Because at least then I wouldn’t be considered an apostate, a black sheep, a heathen, a sinner, or a disappointment by my own family.

Please don't give up hope, ever. I love you and I want to see you make good decisions and do good things in your life. I want to see you happy and I want to see a fire in your life with a deep knowledge of life.

If only you knew how happy I really am. I love my life, I love my job, and most importantly, I love myself. I’ve done great things in my life, and I plan to continue with that. I graduated from college, volunteered in Russia, moved to a new city where I knew nobody, got a job, met a fantastic man, went to graduate school, earned a Master of Education, got a teaching job that I truly love, gained the respect of my colleagues, actually helped my students learn, became team leader in my second year at work, earned enough money to rent my own apartment and buy a new car, started taking yoga, began getting involved in politics, and I’m planning to continue changing the world. I am passionate about what I do, I am deeply happy, and I have that fire in my life! And what’s more, I didn’t get that fire from any religion; I got it from myself, from what matters to me.

There are answers to the questions about the purpose of life.

I don’t have questions about the purpose of life. My purpose is to help make the world a better place and to enjoy myself along the way.

I don't want to see someone that I love give up hope and truth. Please don't give up hope and truth.

I haven’t given up hope. In fact, I’d like to say I’ve become more hopeful. I have much more confidence in myself and in my worth. I’m proud to be a woman. I have nothing to be ashamed of anymore. It no longer matters to me when people try to judge me, because they no longer have any power over me. I’m not hopeless; I’m free. I have value just because of who I am. And if I live long enough, I will change the world, whether it is through one child at a time in the classroom or one city at a time in the government. I haven’t given up on anything.

Have you? Do you feel like you’ve had to make difficult decisions in your life in order to remain true to the LDS church? I wonder what brought on this email after years of silence.

All my love,

Michelle

Step 7: Love Yourself

2007-07-04T22:02:00.000-05:00

I have quite a bit to say about this. But then, I really don't have anything more to say that this exactly: Love Yourself

I saw this postcard a few weeks ago on the PostSecret website. "I hate my parents for raising me in a religion that taught me to hate myself." And I wanted to tell her that it ends. You'll see your value despite whatever that religion taught you to think about yourself, I wanted to say, because I did. I do. And it's not your parents' fault, I'd say. How could they know any better? Their parents did the same. You can't blame them for teaching you the only thing they know.

What else could I say? I know what she means. I know what she's going through. I know what it's like to be told that I have no value as long as I have no man. To be told that my sole purpose in life is to be a devoted wife and mother. That without achieving that most divine of roles I cannot be guaranteed to make it onto the Celestial Kingdom. And that even if I do make it there without my own man, I can be nothing more than one of some man's many polygamous wives, destined for eternity to help this new, wonderful man who has so graciously taken me in to join his other wives as another womb to produce spirit babies to populate his new planet he's received as a reward for his good deeds on Earth. Whew! That's enough to make any woman wish she could be part of that movement!

At a recent (Mormon) wedding reception, it was all I could do not to pick up my chair and hurl it across the yard as the other women I sat with moped over their sad, single states of affair. "Oh... I'm never going to get married." "She's so pretty, she's going to be married really soon. I mean, at least once she graduates from high school." "So, how do you feel now that your younger sister is married and you're still not?" "Oh, I wish I was getting married!"

Having a man doesn't define you! Love yourself!! Be proud that you are a woman. How could that ever be considered a position of shame??

Step 6: Live in the Moment

2005-05-08T17:06:00.000-05:00

For most of my childhood I was a worrier. I never really worried that something terrible was going to happen, though. It was more like a constant fear of what direction my life would head next. I always viewed decisions in the span of years -- how what I chose today would effect the way something would turn out next month, which would, in turn, effect where I would be in five years. And what if it turned out that I didn't like where that was?

My dad would always try to tell me: "Just take it one day at a time." To which I would respond: "But I can't! I have to know what I'm doing next year in order to make the right choice today!"

It took a long time, but there finally came a day when I could just live in the moment. I didn't stress about the future -- I just took things as they came, and figured the future would take care of itself.

Lately, however, I've been faced with some pretty big life decisions, and I've reverted back to that old worrier in me. I'm having trouble enjoying the amazing things that are going on in my life right now because I'm so stressed out about my future. I keep trying to tell myself to just live in the moment and enjoy the now, but I can't stop thinking about what's waiting for me around the corner. I've always enjoyed change, but this time I'm afraid of losing something really great. The hardest part is knowing that I'll be losing something great, regardless of my decision.

I've learned not to live in the past... now I just have to work on not stressing about the future. Otherwise, I won't have much of a present, either.

To Hell, or Not To Hell?

2005-04-27T20:22:00.000-05:00

I am in love with the show Desperate Housewives and try not to ever miss an episode. One of the characters on the show, Bree, is supposed to be a devout Christian. A couple of weeks ago, her son confessed that he might be gay, and she told him straight up that if he didn't talk to the reverend and repent, he wouldn't go to heaven with her.

That just pisses me off. Do people actually think this way?

Part of the reason I ended up taking a step back from religion and re-evaluating everything was because I just couldn't stand how so many Christians had this nasty habit of painting people into hell.

Last summer, I flew out to Utah to visit some friends after spending a number of months overseas. I was most excited to see my best friend of 2 years who I hadn't seen since the previous fall. I spoke with him shortly before I left and he told me he couldn't wait to see me again. When I got into town I gave him a call to make plans to meet up with him. I got his voicemail, so I left him a message saying I would call back at such and such a time.

When I called back later that day, his mom answered the phone and told me that he had died.

I was COMPLETELY devastated.

I started calling all of my friends to let them know. I figured if his mom hadn't called me, she probably hadn't called anyone else, either. Everyone I talked to cried with me and chatted about what a wonderful person we had just lost.

Then I called a Christian friend of mine. And he made sure to inform me that since this friend of mine was a Mormon, he was now in hell.

Did you catch that? He told me that my best friend was in hell. ON THE DAY I FOUND OUT HE DIED. HELL!

Why would I ever want to be a part of that?

Interesting, Indeed

2005-04-10T15:30:00.000-05:00

So I've been reading a lot on Buddhism lately. Not that I suddenly think Buddhism is "The Way" and at last I have all the answers. I just love to learn and to read all kinds of different things.

I'm currently working my way through a book called The Teaching of Buddha. It's interesting to see how many similarities there are between Buddhist and Christian legend. And isn't it funny that Buddhism began about 500 years before the birth of Christ. Interesting, indeed.

For example, though the Buddha's mother was not a virgin, as she had been married for 20 years, the Buddha was not conceived as a result of sexual relations. His barren mother had a dream one night in which a white elephant entered her womb and she became pregnant.

After his birth, a hermit predicted that the Buddha's life would take one of two paths -- he would either become a great king and rule the world or he would forsake the palace and become the Savior of the world.

And so it continues.

I had to chuckle when I read a parable of Buddha about a wealthy man whose son left home and fell into a life of poverty and debauchery. After years the son wandered back to his father's house, and as his father watched him walk back to the house, he sent his servants running out to greet him. The son became a servant in the house until he was advanced and could at last recognize his father. He was then given all of his father's property and treasure.

Perhaps this sounds a bit familiar to anyone who knows the parable of the prodigal son?

Not that I'm saying one is right and the other is wrong. But maybe no religion is really original. Indeed.

Step 5: Don't Make a Commitment That May Be Too Big to Keep

2005-04-03T08:55:00.000-05:00

Like promising to come up with 12 clever steps for a recovering mormonholic. :)

Not to worry... they'll come in time. But in order to post more frequently, I think I've got to break it up a bit.

I usually have a pretty hard time with commitment. I'm so scared of settling and getting stuck in a rut that after a short time I start to get antsy and have to move on to something new.

I remember my health teacher my junior year of high school telling us that her mother had gone to that same school, then she went that school, and was now a teacher there. Living in the same neighborhood, shopping in the same stores, taking the same route... everyday... for far too many years to count. I never wanted to get stuck like that.

So I move all the time and avoid relationships. Is this normal? Probably not, but it's me.

Step 4: Coffee Can Be Very Liberating

2005-03-02T22:25:00.000-05:00

Back when I first decided to leave mormonism, I still carried with me most of the rules and opinions of the religion. Most of all, I still believed that following any diet beyond the limits of the "word of wisdom" was a terrible sin. It wasn't until five months later, while I was living in Russia, that I decided to take the plunge out into the world of "sin" and try my first cup of coffee. Someone else ordered it for me... it was black, and I think a little burned. My eyes winced every time I took a swallow.

My next cup was a vanilla cappuccino, topped with whipped cream and shaved chocolate. A much better experience. I dumped in a cartload of sugar, and it was almost tasty.

After that, I ordered coffee anytime I went out with Mormon friends. It was more out of spite than from any desire to actually drink the stuff. I sugared up my cup and in my head thought, "Ha! I can drink this and you can't!"

It was quite a new feeling to know there was nothing out there telling me what I could and could not think, drink, eat, say, wear, and on, and on, and on.…

And these days, I can’t get enough of the stuff. Starbucks, here I come!

Step 3: Learn to Laugh to Yourself

2005-02-26T10:38:00.000-05:00

Because, well, laughing in someone's face isn't very nice.

As I've grown quite a bit more liberal and less close-minded I've begun to find humor in some of the more conservative thought. Especially when people express those thoughts to me with that same vigor and passion that the religious right is prone to possess.

Sometimes it's all I can do to keep from crying.

I am a student of history. I'm fascinated by a number of different periods in time, one of which being the more recent history of the US in the 1950s and 60s. Thank god the groups of religious fanatics of that time were NOT able to convince the rest of the country that having dark skin was somehow evil. That their heritage or the color of their skin was somehow a result of their sins, and that anyone who mixed with them was committing a grevious sin of their own. What a different world we would live in today if they had prevailed in repressing the minority groups in this country, all in the name of God and religion and purity and righteousness. Thank god the voice of reason was not allowed to be stamped out.

But I look around today and it's like we've gone back in time 50 years. Or 150 years. Or 1000 years. Once again, the "Moral Majority" is scampering about, trying to tell us what is evil and how we can protect ourselves and our poor innocent children from destruction. It's like they're trying to secure for themselves a safe little bubble in which to live, where everyone looks the same and talks the same and acts the same.

Just because somebody disagrees with you doesn't mean they're wrong.

So when one of them confesses to me their disgust over something they deem appalling, I just have to sigh, shake my head and silently chuckle to myself.

Enlightenment

2005-02-20T19:52:00.000-05:00

"Question:
"You certainly think highly of Buddhism. I suppose you think your religion is right and all the others are wrong.

"Answer:
"No Buddhist who understands the Buddha's teaching thinks that other religions are wrong. No one who, has made a genuine effort to examine other religions with an open mind could think like that either. The first thing you notice when you study the different religions is just how much they have in common. All religions acknowledge that mankind's present state is unsatisfactory. All believe that a change of attitude and behavior is needed if the human situation is to improve. All teach an ethics that includes love, kindness, patience, generosity and social responsibility and all accept the existence of some form of Absolute. They use different languages, different names and different symbols to describe and explain these things; and it is only when they narrow-mindedly cling to their one way of seeing things that religious intolerance, pride and self-righteousness arise. Imagine an Englishman, a Frenchman, a Chinese and an Indonesian all looking at a cup. The Englishman says, "That's a cup." The Frenchman answers, "No it's not. It's a tasse." The Chinese comments, "You're both wrong. It's a pet." And the Indonesian laughs at the others and says "What fools you are. It's a cawan." The Englishman gets a dictionary and shows it to the others saying, "I can prove that it is a cup. My dictionary says so." "Then your dictionary is wrong," says the French- man "Because my dictionary clearly says it is a tasse." The Chinese scoffs at them. "My dictionary is thousands of years older than yours, so my dictionary must be right. And besides, more people speak Chinese than any other language, so it must be a pet." While they are squabbling and arguing with each other, a Buddhist comes up and drinks from the cup. After he has drunk, he says to the others, "Whether you call it a cup, a tasse, a pet or a cawan, a cup is meant to be used. Stop arguing and drink, stop squabbling and refresh your thirst." This is the Buddhist attitude to other religions."

Amen.

http://www.buddhanet.net/e-learning/qanda01.htm

Step 2: Religion Is Not The Answer

2005-02-20T18:05:00.000-05:00

I'm finding that there are a lot of religious nuts in my life. They each have very specific, and often very conflicting, opinions about what is right, just and holy. But I'm also finding something else... religious nuts are just that -- nuts!

After going to a Mormon church every Sunday for the first 20 years of my life and a number of varying Christian churches since then, I've decided that these churches don't solve anything. While some people may find comfort or fulfillment in these rituals and songs and weekly affirmations -- and good for them -- I don't. And, though some sing hymns while others prefer more contemperary styles and still others stick to dancing in the aisles, they're really all the same. After all of the arm-raising, hand-clapping, foot-stamping music, we're still left with a man, standing in front of a trusting group of people, telling them the rock solid TRUTH of just what exactly the Bible says. As told to him by GOD! Then, after a few "Amens" and "Hallelujah, brothers," everyone goes home, AND THEN WHAT?

"Well, I read this and this in the Bible and I think it means this. But Pastor Humbleman today said it doesn't mean this; it really means that. But if it means that, then I'm totally wrong about this and all of those. But Pastor Saved on TV yesterday said it means the opposite. So how do I know who's right? Do I ask God? But I though Pastors Humbleman and Saved both already talk to God, so why didn't they just ask Him? And if I can just ask God myself, what's the point of bothering with pretentious pastors and congregations and songs and people? And how do I know which is the best and which I should believe and who knows the best way to heaven? He says I have to live a righteous life, and he says all I have to do is say a special prayer, and he says I just have to be nice to people, and he says nobody makes it anyway, and he says..."

How can everyone be right at the same time??

And where does this get me in the end?

No. I say religion is a crutch. A man-made way for us to try and reach up to God. Since the beginning of time, societies have had some form of religion, some need to worship a being mightier than themselves. What makes you so sure that all of them are wrong and now, suddenly, you have the key?

Stop telling me what to do, stop telling me what I need, and stop believing that you hold the only right answer to the question the world has never ceased to ask.

Step 1: Stop Thinking That It Actually Matters What Other People Think

2005-02-08T21:48:00.000-05:00

Growing up I was always such a "people-pleaser." The worst punishment for me was when my dad would look at me and tell me he was disappointed in me. Disappointed. Ouch.

So trying to gather up the courage to tell my sisters, my roommates, my mom, my dad that I was leaving the mormon church was a bit of a struggle for me. I was so scared of becoming a disappointment to so many people.

Well I had to get over it... I'm still trying to get over it. Who cares what everyone else thinks? Why should it matter if I disappoint someone if pleasing them means I'm making myself unhappy?

I'm so sick of people judging me!

Morma-wha?

2005-02-03T18:17:00.000-05:00

A recovering mormonholic? What the hell is that? Glad you asked... Basically, I grew up Mormon... 21 years in the business. I was addicted, and I was a good one. Then I realized it was all a farce, and I left the business. Things have been pretty okay for me since then. I dabbled awhile in evangelical christianity, but after a bit, I felt like I had jumped from one cult over to another. That's fine, believe in God, don't believe in God. But what I can't believe in are all those hard-core, Bible-thumpin', condemn you to hell for not living their way and saying their prayers and listening to their music kind of bullshit people. What? You don't believe that George W is a messenger from Jesus sent to rid the whole world of evil and restore peace and democracy to this bless-ed world?? You heathen! I'll pray for your wretched soul!!

Bull.

I've had enough of this Holier Than Thou bunch. They're just Mormons that speak a different language.

But I digress.

I'm just working on discovering life after mormonhood. Maybe I should start my own 12-step program...

Tai Chi

2005-02-02T21:43:00.000-05:00

So I'm following the crowd and joining the blog scene. Maybe I'll be better at blogging than I am at emailing people! And... that's about all I have to say on that one.